Archive for the ‘Theater’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Like to Watch

Girl on phone: This is so crazy because I was just watching Gossip Girl and I was like: "Oh my god, no one has dinner at Butter!" But then you just called me and invited me to dinner at Butter! It’s totally out of control. –Barnard College Man: The Tudors is like Law & Order for British actors. If you can’t get a job anywhere else, there’s always that. –Cort Theater Overheard by: office peon Young man to friend: It’s called Tudor Place. Hey, you know that show on showtime, The Tudors? Maybe it’s that family and they moved over here. Because the buildings do look old. –Bryant Park Hipster: I watched Lost one time. I watched Lost one time! A big monsoon was coming and some dude closed a door on it. Closed a door on the monsoon! I was like: "Fuck this, I’m done." –Outside an Irish Pub, 54th St & 7th Ave Overheard by: jon Soccer mom: Charles in Charge was a consistently good show. –51st St & 8th Ave

One Liners from the Legitimate Wednesday

Student, about her play: I want the audience to enter through the vagina before they sit down. –NYU Guy to younger girl, at intermission of Spring Awakening, right after sex scene: So you had to choose this? We couldn't have gone to see The Little Mermaid? –Eugene O'Neill Theatre College student: …exactly how you'd expect a college rendition of The Vagina Monologues to go. –NYU Black guy on cell: It doesn't mean I'm gay because I'm going to see a play. (pause) It's for a class… There's nothing wrong with wanting to see a play. –Union Square Overheard by: erkala 20-something guy to friend: Picture it; Fishsticks: the musicical! –63rd St & Broadway

Birthday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: My girlfriend's birthday is tomorrow. (pause) I don't know. Maybe a bong. –Penn Station Overheard by: Steve Popovich Girl to friend: I just wanted to hook up with him because we had the same birthday. –8th St & 5th Ave Rent cast member (shouting over shoulder): I turn 34 on Friday, I'm old but at least I made it past Jesus. –Nederlander Theatre Woman arguing loudly with her mother in the laundromat: My 30th birthday is gonna be ruined if we don't go to the wax museum! –4th Ave & 14th St, Brooklyn Guy handing out New York Post: Grab your free copy of New York Post, it's free, it's free! Oh, and happy birthday to me today, thank you very much for remembering it! Oh, what a lovely day… –42nd & Madison Overheard by: Eve

I See Your Chick-Fil-A and Raise You a Taco Bell

Toddler: Mommy, this bathroom is dirtyyy! Mommy? What’s the cleanest place in the world?
Mother: I don’t know, that’s a good question.
Toddler: Well, I know that the dirtiest place ever, ever, ever, ever, ever is Chick-Fil-A. –Restroom, Lunt-Fontanne Theatre Overheard by: Not eating at Chick-Fil-A anymore

Their Snacks Were Taken Away, and They Were Both Given a Time-Out

Young man with wife: Excuse me, miss, do you mind moving over one so we can sit together?
Angry black woman: No, no, no, no. I paid to be here, I can sit wherever I damn well please!
Man overhearing conversation: What is your problem, lady?
Angry black woman: Shut up! I can do whatever I want! I paid to be here!
Young man: I curse you, lady!
Angry black woman: What? You curse me? You can't curse me! You ain't god! You ain't nothin'! Well guess what, I reverse the curse on you, fool! –Loews Theatre, 42nd St

Thirty Years Late in Some Cases

Tourist woman #1: I don’t understand why people are laughing at everything the characters say.
Tourist woman #2: I know! I think most people are just getting most of the jokes late. —Spamalot, Shubert Theatre Overheard by: sara

Wednesday One-Liners Prove That Nowhere Is Safe from Our Spies

Exasperated mother to child in toilet stall: Hurry up and poop! –Ladies’ Restroom, Penn Station Overheard by: Betsy [Girl is taking a piss in bathroom, friend shuts off lights.]
Girl: Biiitch! You know my pussy don’t glow in the dark! –Williamsburg, Brooklyn Lady in bathroom stall: [Grunts, groans grunts again.] [Pause.] Oh my god, I peed on the floor! –Sheraton Hotel Overheard by: Morgan Hungover senior, chanting loudly over sound of own urination in bathroom: Allllllllll riiighty thennnnnnn! Ahhhhhhhh! –SVA Animation Department Overheard by: Laughing Man farting at urinal, to friend at urinal next to him: Hey, man, what do you think about piss farts? –Kimmel Center, NYU Overheard by: JO in Bobst Girl: I’m not looking. I don’t want to see your vagina. Even if we are family. –AMC Theater Restroom, Times Square Overheard by: wondering what’s going on in the next stall [Horrific sounds heard in adjacent stall for 3 minutes.]
Co-worker, yelling: "I’m sorry, I had milk!" –Office bathroom, 31st Street