Archive for the ‘Thievery’ Category

It’s Always the One You Most Suspect

Hispanic woman: …and then I caught him going through my pocketbook and I was like, “You betta get out of there”, because he might find something that looks like a Skittle but it’s really a pill. He gonna grow up to be a thief or somethin’.
White woman: He looks like a murderer. –R train Overheard by: Beast Boy

Wednesday One-Liners: Cha-ching!

Guy on cell: Don’t play games with me or I’ll break your fuckin’ nose. Have you got the money? Where’s the fuckin’ money? –47th & 5th Overheard by: Adam Bertocci Ghetto kid on cell: Yo, yo, you don’t want to play football? …Right, right, so just when you tackle them, put your hand in their pockets and take their money! –M14 bus Hobo: God, lady, I’m not asking for a million dollars; I’m just asking for some change! –14th between 5th & University Overheard by: theNJl Biker dude: She’s a shrink and a psychiatrist, so you know she’s rollin’ in money. –Starbucks, 27th & Park Overheard by: Brawny McBrawnerson

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think Of It As “Long-Term Borrowing”

Rich girl: I went to Forever21 and bought a dress. Then I stole some sunglasses and other accessories along with it, cause you know, times are rough. –Metro-North Rail Run-down-looking middle-aged guy: I got my phone stolen. Uh-huh. No, it wasn't even a trick, it was a friend! –Home Depot, 23rd St Overheard by: STC Very loud child at display of cars to mother in line: It's okay, mom! You don't need to buy one for me. I can just take one and run out. Maybe even two, easy! –Rite Aid, Brooklyn Overheard by: oneofmanymikes Shopping lady to friend: It's okay to steal but it's not okay to be gay. –94th & 3rd Ave Overheard by: venniblue Girl on phone: So you actually caught him stealing from you? (pause) Okay. (pause) Well, you didn't want that anyway. So you're still going to fuck him, right? –Broadway & 21st St

Our Wednesday One-Liners in Blue

Cop on cell: Yeah, Adam just called. Are there bodies there? –Outside Times Square Police Station Overheard by: leah Police officer on crowd control duty: If you was special, you'd get on the sidewalk. If you was my family, you'd get on the sidewalk. –45th & Broadway Overheard by: Claire Little boy to mother, after policeman walks by: Mom, it's the five-o! –38th St, Astoria Man: Yo, I was so twisted last night. I was in the cop car and he was like, "no drinking in the cop car!" –Lexington & 75th Overheard by: wb Cop to victim: So the doors and windows were locked,no sign of forced entry…and you're sure that your panty drawer was rifled through and unknown items are missing? –Bensonhurst

What's “Shit,” Again?

Bimbo #1: Oh my god, like I could totally pickpocket you right now.
Bimbo #2: No you couldn't, I could like totally feel you!
Bimbo #1: Like I totally want to learn how to pickpocket.
Bimbo #2: I like want be a professional pickpocket.
Bimbo #1: Yeah, but you have to be all stealthy and shit.
Bimbo #2: There you go using big words again! –Fordham University, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Middle Class Kids Often Misunderstand Poor Kids

Small child #1: But I don't want to be a cop! I want to be a robber!
Small child #2: Too bad, you have to be a cop.
Small child #1: Why can't we all just be robbers, then we can steal stuff and no one can catch us?
Small child #2: Because, stupid… that's how it is! Robbers and cops! It's no fun to be a robber if there aren't any cops to chase you! –Outside Brooklyn Church