Nymphet: No, I am serious. Three is menage a trois, but after that it is just an orgy. –East Village
Sulky waitress at family restaurant, complaining about management: I could be home right now having a threesome, but Chris won't let me leave.
Overheard by: Inkling
35-year-old camp Asian man on cell: Yo, girl! (pause) Hell no, I have no idea what shit went down last night. (pause) Oh-em-gee! All I know is I woke up with five guys.
Overheard by: Abby and Holly
20-something college boy: I mean, there's no "I" in "threesome."
Guy to his friends: Yeah, I haven't decided what guy I would tag-team a girl with yet.
–Hairy Monk, 25th & 3rd
African American guy to hipster girl: It was the worst orgy I've ever been to. Nothing but kids and clothes everywhere you looked.
–48th St & Broadway
Overheard by: RevLina, The Pain-Proof Girl
20-something girl to friend: I mean, my husband never asked me a direct question; so I never had to lie. He never said, "what were you doing today at 3 pm?" so I didn't ever have to respond,"screwing my new boyfriend in a Lower East Side apartment that we just rented."
–Max Cafe, Morningside Heights
Girl on cell: This time I'll respect the fact that you're engaged.
–St. Mark's & 1st
Overheard by: spead
White guy to Asian guy: But no sex, because she has a boyfriend… But head is okay…
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: GreenwichSandwich
Man shouting on cell: I'm a spic?! Well, you're a Jew! Besides, how was I supposed to know you had a husband?
–5th Ave & 90th St
30-something guy to another: So I asked this girl if she had any friends she could hook me up with and she responded with an emailed .pdf of names, pictures, phone numbers and a short blurb about each girl. The funniest part was this one girl, it said: "has boyfriend, will fuck other people."
–Union Square West
Overheard by: Brian
20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay.
Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.
Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!
–8th St & 5th Ave
Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work!
Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that?
Gay guy #1: Would you be mad if I told you I had a threesome in December?
Gay guy #2: No. But if you told me you had a threesome in January I would be.
–9th Ave & 17th St
Overheard by: Chelsea Girl
Ditzy bonde: So, like, you remember those two guys from the bar last night?
Sensible black chick: Yeah.
Ditzy bonde: I fucked 'em both! One after the other. Bam! Bam!
Sensible black chick: Jesus, Diane*! They wore condoms, riiight?
Ditzy bonde thoughtfully: Well, they were still dribbling out of me this morning… So no!
–Union Square Station
Overheard by: Bart Simpson's shudder
Girl #1: I was reading this article about sexual fantasies that are better if they stay fantasies.
Girl #2: Like mermen?
Girl #1: I think they meant, like, titty-fucking and threesomes, but sure.
Girl #2: But mermen… That's pretty complicated.
–60th & 3rd
Overheard by: …or that
Professor: All the buildings in Florence are five stories high, because they were built before elevators, and that's how many stories you can walk up with groceries before you die.
20-something tourist girl to family, about subway: It's like an elevator, but opposite.
Bimbette: I, like, ran into them in the elevator and they, like, literally gang-banged me.
20-something woman: Do you think he ever found out I didn't fall down an elevator shaft?
Hobo to 20-something girls: How about some money?
(girls ignore him and keep walking)
Hobo: How about a threesome?
Girls: Are you serious?
Overheard by: I don't think so
Guy #1: So when's your birthday?
Guy #2: It's June 24.
Guy #1: Hey, mine is May 24.
Guy #2: And my girlfriend's is January 24.
Guy #1: Wow…we should all have sex.
–7th & Ave B