Archive for the ‘Thugs’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me…

Ghetto black woman to four-year-old son: The ice ain't gonna respect you, you gotta respect the ice, nigga.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Steven

Obnoxiously loud drunk guy: I need a girl who will respect my receding hairline!

–Virgil's, W 44th St

Overheard by: Check, please!

Thugette: I'm just going to say, "Look, I mean no disrespect, but go fuck yourself. I mean no disrespect, but just go fuck yourself."

–6 Train

Overheard by: i mean disrespect

20-something guy to friend: Man, you don't understand. I really respect this broad…

–35th St & Lexington

Barkeep, Some Wednesday One-Liners, Please!

Scruffy guy: Maybe you’re allergic to kangaroo milk.

–St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: Elaina

Hipster dude on cell: Dude, what the fuck? Everywhere I go in your city there’s, like, no eggnog.

–Mercer St

Overheard by: omar

Street sock vendor to another: This country’s immigration problems could all be solved if they just stopped selling Corona.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Cameron Rose

Crazy guy: Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some fuckin’ water! Dumb bitch forgot the fuckin’ water. Go back up that hill, bitch, and get me my fuckin’ water!

–C train

Overheard by: Chrissy

Thug to wife: Yo, this nigga don’t trust nothin’ ‘less it has an umbrella stickin’ out of it. That’s gangsta!

–Atlantic Station Pathmark

Overheard by: Kosi

Wednesday One-Liners Want to Know What Makes the Law & Order Sound

Law professor: Sometimes you just want to tell your client, "Wake the fuck up!"

–NYU Law School

Law student on cell: Well, it's hard to locate them, since I don't know who they are.

–Columbia Law School

Overheard by: arctinus

Older looking woman on cell: No, don't fight him, Henry. We're Jewish. God gave us lawyers for a reason.

–42nd & Avenue of the Americas

Overheard by: Elizabeth

Awesome judge: If you do not have a basic understanding of the English language, you will not be able to serve. If you cannot understand what I'm saying, please come up now. Now, two translators will translate what I just said. If you understood what I said, obviously don't come up here.

–Supreme Court Building

Suit to girl: You must be a lawyer. (pause) Or a cunt.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: How did he know?

Thug: Don't say anything to her! Don't you know anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law?

–132nd & St. Nicholas

Drunk lawyer on phone: Yeah! I convict rape victims.

–Outside Shea Stadium

Don’t Be Offended; He Meant Colorforms

Thug #1: So they was like, “Yo, you fucked that bitch without a condom!” And I was like, “Naw.” And they was like, “She pregnant, yo.”
Thug #2: Aw, shit!
Thug #1: When I heard that, I was cryin’. Like, straight-up tears, I was cryin’.
Thug #2: Damn…
Thug #1: I can’t even tell you what I did to get that bitch unpregnant. I’ll say this much: it involved chloroform. –6 train

He Said You Need Your Hearing Checked

Russian thug #1: I need to see a psychiatrist, man.
Russian thug #2: Yeah?
Russian thug #1: Yeah, yeah, I need to get my head checked out.
Russian thug #2: You need to get your ass checked out.
Russian thug #1: What? My ass?
Russian thug #2: Yeah, you need your ass checked.
Russian thug #1: What? –F train