Man in car at stoplight on cell: Yeah, so I grabbed a towel for my nuts and ran down the stairs. Yes, I covered my nuts. So I run down the stairs covering my nuts with a towel because I knew where the smoke was coming from!
–127th & Lenox
Street tough to guy in wheelchair: So you kicked him in the nuts? (shrugs) Yeah, word.
–E 2nd St & Ave C
Overheard by: Ben Couch
Crazy man: Where's Howie? Where's my favorite nut-nut?
–Hanson Place
Overheard by: JBeck
Dude on cell while riding bicycle: It's hanging off your nuts?
–Williamsburg
Mom 20-something daughter heading to Penn Station: Should we grab our nuts, at least?
–7th Ave & 34th St
Overheard by: Just don't grab my nuts
Archive for the ‘Thugs’ Category
That's the Nicest Thing You've Ever Said to Me!
Latino thug #1: It was so awkward–he couldn't hit the high notes.
Latino thug #2: That kid wore the same blue tee for a whole year!
Latino thug #3: Your shirt looks like a Christmas wrapping.
–F Train
Overheard by: Katface
The Village Is Utterly Devoid Of Them
Teenage delinquent #1: We shoulda gone to the pier. There's gay people at the pier.
Teenage delinquent #2: There's gay people at the pier?! Shit! I wanna see some gay people.
–Washington Square Park
If the Wednesday Fits, One-Liner It
Young thug to friends: Stop, stop, stop! Stop, seriously, stop. C'mon, I'm not kidding! Seriously. I have shoe phobia!
–Metro-North Rail
Guy with shoe in hand, catching up to woman who lost it: Here you go, Cinderella!
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: thorn
Manager of ladies' shoe store: It's easy to close. You put the hooker boots–all this hoochie stuff, with the hooker boots, you put the flats with the flats, you put the day shoes with the day shoes. Now, Narnia over there is another story…
–Macy's
Overheard by: Sarah R
Chick to guy: If you buy me Jimmy Choos, I'll have your baby.
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Lets hope she'll have the baby anyway…
Four-year-old girl stepping out of taxi: Mommy, can we go online to buy shoes today?
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: …wow.
FAQsday One-Liners
NYU girl: It's a box, though… Can you FedEx a box?
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Elena
Tourist: So… Are we like, underground now?
–NRW Train
Overheard by: Stacey
Mom in toy store: Do you guys have any organic play-doh?
–7th Ave & Garfield, Park Slope
Overheard by: persiangroove
Teen tourist bimbo, looking at Rockefeller Center Christmas tree Swarovski tree topper: So, can we buy it?
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Kaitlen
20-something girl: Wait, so what's a blog?
–55th & 6th
Thug on bus on cell: Yeah, I just got on the bus. How will I know when it's the third stop?
(goes on to get off on the second stop)
–Roosevelt Island
She Is Pretty Fat, Though
Thug, quietly to young girlfriend: Get it, get it. (then loudly to woman about to steal the seat) Miss, she's pregnant! Miss, she's pregnant! (to girlfriend) Show her your belly. Nah, just playin, she just fat.
Woman: That's… not nice.
–A Train
Wednesday One-Liners Looked Better in the Previews
Husky unshaved guy to younger girlfriend: You mean you never saw Animal House? You're not human!
–Lower West Side
Thug to another: Jabba the Hutt? That's like some Tony Soprano shit, nigga. And the spices? That's drugs. Star Wars drugs!
–13th St & University
Overheard by: Jaimie
Girl to friends: My English teacher said Precious is "whack."
–City Cinemas, E 86th St
Stuffy Bulgarian professor: Do you guys know the film Soul Plane? It's very funny, right?
–NYU
Overheard by: really glad I got up before 9:30 for this
Girl on cell: Yeah, after that movie, I'm gonna think all adopted kids are evil dwarfs with a hormone imbalance.
–Columbus Circle
Guess You Have to See the Movie to Understand This
Thug #1 to thug #2, during showing of The Mist: Man, I would've just stayed inside the fuckin' supermarket.
Thug #2: Yeah.
Thug #1: I'd be eatin' all those Doritos an' shit.
–11th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Jojo
Wednesday Loves the Smell Of One-Liners' Hair
20-something suit on phone: Yeah, man. Just come over. We can spoon and talk about chicks and shit.
–Wall & Pearl
Overheard by: traceface
Thug to another: Those bitches be cuddlin' your wounds!
–42nd St
Hispanic woman on phone: Yeah, it's crazy snowin' outside. (pause) Uh-huh, yeah, you wanna cuddle. (pause) Hahaha, uh-oh! (pause) Uh-oh, spaghetti-o! (pause) Haha, no, you've already done that. (pause) Hahaha… You've done that already. I have to spin the other way now.. (pause) He he he, you're crazy. Hee heee. (pause) Well, you have a lovely day inside a warm place!
–Q Train
Overheard by: Em Allears
Crazy lady to herself: Does anyone wanna snuggle me for the hell of it? (five minutes later) Why are all these people here? Is it a workday? Cuz if it is, I'm going to get fired. I need a beer!
–G Train
Overheard by: LaughedOutLoud
Guy at cafe: I have pillows just for spooning.
–6th St & 2nd Ave
There's a Wednesday One-Liner in My Hair! Get It Out! Get It Out!
Guy: I don't think bees even have vaginas.
–23rd & 3rd
Suit to another: I want him scrutinized. At a gnat's ass level!
–Midtown Office
Middle school thug: I been radioactivatin' spiders in my kitchen.
–C Train
Overheard by: Emily B.
Mother to five-year-old boy: No, you can't buy grandma a plastic spider for Christmas!
–74th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane's Husband
Guy on cell: Hey, did I tell you I got drunk last night and ordered 1,500 ladybugs off the internet?
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ashley