Archive for the ‘Thugs’ Category

A Gangsta Paradise of Wednesday One-Liners

Thug: Last I heard, he was being charged with some serious shit — accessory to kidnapping, accessory to rape… That’s why you can’t hang out with niggas that’s in love.

–Q19A bus

Overheard by: A White Bear

Thug referencing billboard of The Librarian: Return to King Solomon’s Mines: Yo, that’s an action flick ’bout the Dewey Decimal system!

–49th & Broadway

Overheard by: Nikki W

Thug on cell: Whatchoo mean, it ‘wasn’t a successful relationship’? I stuck it in her butt 14 times! That’s what I call a successful relationship.

–12th St & 4th Ave

Thug teen with sideways ball cap and pants around his knees: It’s like she tryin’ to be fashionable, but it just ain’t workin’, yo!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: knows better than to wear hats sideways

Young thug to friends: She makes me all romantic… Like, I want to fuck her under the stars and shit.

–Grand & Broadway

Overheard by: Ramona

Thug reading High Times: Shit! I did not just miss my stop again!

–6 train

Overheard by: HelloClairice

Wednesday One-Liners Will Fuck You Up, Son

Thug: I’m a super duper human being! I’m a super duper human being! I’m a super duper human being!

–Queens-bound F train

Overheard by: sunburned like a bitch

Teen Latino thug to friend: Yo, there be some mad hot wizards up in this bitch! Or should I say, ‘wizard-ettes.’

Harry Potter screening, Loews, 34th St

Thug: … And he was there, with his cane and beard, lookin’ all Gandalf and shit.

–86th & Lex

Overheard by: Catherine

Teen thug: She is extra violent! She got UV rays!

–W 4th St platform

Overheard by: Emily B.

Thugette leaning against mail truck: Yeah, I’s the post bitch.

–Church St

Wednesday One-Liners Take Advantage Of Medicare While They Still Can

Blonde on cell: So it was either an ambulance or a taqueria.

–Times Square

Girl on cell: What? What!? Go to the hospital. Go to the hospital! Please. Why? Because when you get stabbed you go to the hospital, you don’t go and lay down.

–Jersey Transit

Thug, in a rush: Look, I don’t give a fuck! I just want Medicaid!

–13th & 3rd

Disgruntled male gynecologist: We’re the bastard stepchildren of the surgery world. General surgeons barely think we’re human. "Oh, don’t get up, it’s just a gynecologist." I could have been a general surgeon, a plastic surgeon, a dentist, a lawyer… I’d be making more money, too. My brother’s cat needed a caesarian section and the vet got paid more than I get paid to do a caesarian section!

–Gynecology Office, 32nd & Madison

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl on cell: I told you I was sick and needed to go to the doctor’s! I can’t even swallow! I tried food, water and liquids!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Ross

Chick in scrubs (lighting cigarette) to friend in scrubs: My heart rate won’t go down!

–113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: McFreaky

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liner

Slightly thugged-out guy, rapping to little white poodle: Li'l coco! You's a muthafuckin' beast, yo! Li'l coco! Yeah!

–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: John Bender

Guy to dog: Lady, it's just me! There's only me!

–77th St, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Big burly guy to tiny yorkie, as it sniffs tree and walks away: Well, thanks for that false alarm.

–43rd St & 10th Ave

Upper West Side lady to little pampered dog with sweater: It's okay, baby, you can talk.

–80th Ave & Columbus

Hipster dog walker, whispering to herd of dachsunds: Mushhhhh…

–Central Park

Itching, Burning, Flaking Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: I told him you had fucking mad STDs because he said he wanted to fuck you. (pause) You're welcome!

–Washington Square Park

Suit exiting cab: Yo, make sure you don't give him your number. He's got crabs.

–30th Ave & 30th St, Astoria

Overheard by: OhKellyO

Blonde 20-something on phone: Either the universe just proved there is no god, or he is a motherfucking cunt! (pauses, then in low tone) Because… I think I have herpes.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: close enough to hear the herpes part

Thug to thugette: I didn't have warts on my body till I met you.

–Metro North

Overheard by: baconista

Guy on cell, leaning casually against fire hydrant: Hey, so, I just got my test results back, and… uh… so I got herpes. So… maybe you should get yourself tested. (pause) No, no, no. No. No! Dammit, Jessica, listen, I… fuck. Sorry, Jennifer. No, I–no, I'm sorry, I've just been making this call a lot today. (pause) Hello?

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Kytt