Archive for the ‘Time’ Category

The Superfluous Eruditeness Of Wednesday One-Liners

Pompous, insane English professor: Right now I am being plagued by a contagion, but I will return your reports anon.

–Barnard College

Student, to friend who just bashed the side of his head: What the hell? You're hurting my ganglia!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: John David

Black mom to teen daughter walking away from her: No, you get back here and listen to what I'm sayin! You gotta pay attention–niggas be instigatin!

–Nassau & Fulton

Overheard by: Tigertail

First year legal scholar: I feel like our relationship is terminated for perpetuity.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: bunbury

Yuppie on phone: Wait. (pause) Bruhaha, right?

–70th & Broadway

Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am One-Liners

Older gentleman on phone: I was just calling to ask if you wanted to make love to my nice, long, Lebanese penis again tonight. (pause) Yes, yes, 10 works for me.

–45th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Morgan

Mother, hissing to girl dancing exuberantly: You stop that! Stop it! Boys will try to sex you! Stop!

–6 Train Station

Girl on cell, yelling: He got soft inside me! That's, like, the worst insult ever!

–23rd & 9th

Girl on cell: Come over to the 7-Eleven anytime. I will fuck you!

–Washington Square West

Overheard by: David Fishkind

Brunching woman to friends: We lived in Buffalo! We could have had sex on the sidewalk, but it was four years before we were engaged!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Alexandra

Treasured Art Like Flashdance and Dirty Dancing?

Hipster girl: You know it’s just so sad that I will never be able to see the world through anything but the eyes of a dancer. Because that’s what I am, a dancer. I mean, I will never be able to experience the world through the eyes of say an architect or a designer. Oh my God! Don’t you just pine for the 80s when dance was the treasured art form?

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Rebecca

One-a-Day Wednesday One-Liners

Middle-aged lady: I wear makeup on Sundays. I like to look good on the Lord’s day.

–135th & Madison

Overheard by: Kate

Woman: Monday is the new Friday.

–11 Penn Plaza

Guy on cell: … So let’s just go ahead with the Tuesday night cripple hunt.

–Grand St & Bedford Ave

Conductor: This stop is Jay Street-Borough Hall. You can transfer here across the platform to the A and C trains, which you can take uptown to Columbus Circle and on up to 168th Street. Be sure to take your stuff with you when you go, and have a great Wednesday here in the middle of the week.

–F train

Overheard by: … or maybe she was stoned

40-something lady to another: … Then I told him, ‘Nevermind the bruises, I just had liposuction last Thursday.’

–Broadway, just below Houston

Guy on cell: Yeah, well, I won’t be there if you’re going to be doing all that religious stuff… Aren’t you, like, castrating a duck or something? … Oh, okay, well I’ll be there on Friday, then.

–By the tram