Archive for the ‘Time’ Category

The Best Things in Life Are Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on cell: Why aren't you looking for some boy to do it for free? –E 3rd & 1st Ave Overweight MTA worker with megaphone: Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. No shirt, no shoes: no service! –Franklin Ave Subway Overheard by: Jesus Jon Homeless guy: Free boogers! Get your free boogers! –8th & 6th Overheard by: Zack Old woman with glass of wine and full plate, stumbling out onto the sidewalk: Ha! It's free! Everyone, free food! Ha! –Open House Art Exhibition, 106th St & Broadway Guy giving out free pens: Come on, don't be shy! Come get your free pens! This is New York City, only thing you're gonna get for free are these pens and your mother's love. –Kimmel, NYU Wanna-be thug eating ice cream: Wanna know how much I paid for this? S'free! I stole it. –125th St & Broadway Overheard by: EthanK Hobo stopped for stealing a box of bottled water: But Obama's President! Everything should be motherfucking free for the next 279 years! –Duane Reade

If Only There Were a Way to Get Sober Enough to Figure It Out

Sleep-deprived art student #1: Sorry, I'm just…you know.
Sleep-deprived art student #2: Yeah, I know, me too. Do you ever just like wake up confused?
Sleep-deprived art student #1: Yeah!
Sleep-deprived art student #2: Just about like, what time even means?
Sleep-deprived art student #1: Yeah! I'm always like that.
Sleep-deprived art student #2: Me too… –Pratt Institute

Obsessively Gay (for Tad)

Female MTA employee: I ain’t seen you in forever! Did you start working nights again?
Male MTA employee: Yeah… It was alright. But then I got bored, so I started watching soap operas again. I can’t believe Tad still looks the same.
Female MTA employee: Shit, you like him?
Male MTA employee: Hell yeah, I’m OG. –4th Ave & 9th St station Overheard by: Tacologic

Who Wednesday One-Linered Mr. Burns?

Black 30-something man: And she said, "Nigga, you wanna fuck mah titties wit a gun?" –Penn Station Overheard by: Amanda R. 10-year-old boy, very loudly, to 10-year-old girl: Oh, yeah, well…how many guns have you ever held? –5 Train Middle aged white man in shorts: Anyone awake at 2 am should be shot! –LIRR Overheard by: L.C. Street performer, trying to move crowd: Okay, let's try this! White people, we are not dangerous! (lifts shirt, pats down sides) We are unarmed! Step closer! –W 45th & 5th Man on phone: Right. Right. Wait, what? (in shock) He don't got a gun? Well, he has to have a gun! What kinda game do you think this is? –J Train Army dude to friends: People shoot at me every once in awhile. Do I get tipped? No, fuck tips! –Havanna's Bar