Archive for the ‘Time’ Category

Who Wednesday One-Linered Mr. Burns?

Black 30-something man: And she said, "Nigga, you wanna fuck mah titties wit a gun?" –Penn Station Overheard by: Amanda R. 10-year-old boy, very loudly, to 10-year-old girl: Oh, yeah, well…how many guns have you ever held? –5 Train Middle aged white man in shorts: Anyone awake at 2 am should be shot! –LIRR Overheard by: L.C. Street performer, trying to move crowd: Okay, let's try this! White people, we are not dangerous! (lifts shirt, pats down sides) We are unarmed! Step closer! –W 45th & 5th Man on phone: Right. Right. Wait, what? (in shock) He don't got a gun? Well, he has to have a gun! What kinda game do you think this is? –J Train Army dude to friends: People shoot at me every once in awhile. Do I get tipped? No, fuck tips! –Havanna's Bar

Wednesday One-Liners– IQ: 180 Social Skills: -57

Professor: Why do people take drugs? Because their lives suck. That's right…all of you. –Manhattan College Chemistry professor, discussing quantum physics: If you beat on something hard enough, you can get it to do what you want! –St. John's University, New York City Property professor, after playing Barbra Streisand's version of "Not While I'm Around": Now, is that the same song as Steven Sondheim's version in Sweeney Todd?? (dreamily) Well, when Barbra Streisand does a song…is it ever the same song? –St. John's Law School Overheard by: Cori Professor: If Obama wins the election, I'll buy you all beer. –The Cooper Union Professor: So the way Saint Augustine broke the Lord's commandment not to steal (nobody in class is listening) Was all just his way of honoring the Lord's law, by creating his own. It's sort of like when you have a child that's not allowed to stay up past nine but he knows his parents can stay up as late as they want, so in an act of rebellion he smears his shit all over the walls. –NYU Professor: Now, for your presentations, there is a time limit. If you go over nine minutes, I will cut you. (silent pause) …off. –City College of New York

Wednesday One-Liners Could Pinch Hit for William Safire

Wardrobe consultant chick: Hey Jorge*, el foodo is here! Wait a minute, what’s the word again? –Men’s Wearhouse, 34th & 5th Overheard by: erak Tourist woman on cell: That’s not even the right thing to say to somebody in a fight. A "punk" is from the 50s. It’s like a tough guy or a street guy. –56th & 5th Woman on cell: You know what pull my finger means? Well you better start pulling your finger. Pull it 24/7. –12th & 1st Guy: Korean words don’t end in vowels, you fuckhead. Except for "Korea"… and "Hyundai". –Chelsea Market Yuppie dad lecturing two school-age sons: Last week, this girl in my class said that something just sucked and I told her, "You know, when you’re in English class, vocabulary is cool, and it’s better to say that something is disappointing instead of saying that it sucks." –Tip-Top Shoes, W 72nd St Overheard by: Susan Volchok Man on cell: Do you know what trifling means?? No! It does NOT mean truffle-making! –17th & 6th Overheard by: Thirsty Violet Guy, passing "La Bagel Delight": That means "The Bagel Delight" in
French! –7th Ave, Park Slope

Don’t Bogart the Wednesday One-Liners!

Flyer guy to tourist: Take it, take it, it’s free! But my weed is not. I’ll be right here until five. –45th & Broadway Overheard by: Engi Yuppie guy: Hey, you wanna buy a bong and get pierced? –MacDougal & Bleecker Overheard by: Betty Noir Guy listening to iPod: Pussy, money, weed! Pussy, money, weed! Pussy, money, weed! –183rd & Audubon Ave Overheard by: BB Black guy to another: All those niggas do is smoke weed and call ACS on each other! –A train, Brooklyn Guy on cell: Dude every time she sees me she’s like, ‘O-M-G, you’re high.’ And I usually am, but like, I like to think I hide it well. But she always knows. And even so, I’m like, ‘Em, why do you have to comment on it every single time? At the dorms, at parties, even at Target one time!’ Hahaha… But anyway, we might come Thursday. I’ll see if my funds are in order to make the trip. What kind of shit would we have to wear? Beach stuff? Oooh, and I could rock my stunna shades. –6 train Guy outside MTV studios: Stay calm. Everything is going to be okay. There will be marijuana giveaways. –1515 Broadway Overheard by: Rebecca