Archive for the ‘Time’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners for Stephen Colbert

Suit on phone: The dream was strange…we are in a library …I say something like "it's a liability." Then you said "your mom's a liability." That was it…I don't know. –Gramercy Park Overheard by: POLA Young suit to another: The world is not your oyster! –Bryant Park Overheard by: Amy Suit to another, as 30-something woman in skirt and high heels passes by: Yowza! And that ends our case study! –Madison Ave & 40th St Overheard by: Casey Stressed female suit: No one gives a fuck anymore. Everyone's just gonna do what they want. And any further complaints can be directed to my ass. –University St b/w 8th & Waverly Middle-aged Asian man in three-piece suit on cell: I mean, how can I live like Bond if I'm married? –46th St & Madison Ave Overheard by: dr. no, i dont do 20-something female suit on cell: Baby, I would love to go to dinner, but you have two options: dinner or sex. I only have time for one. –27th St & Park Ave

The Gates Changed New York Forever

Elderly woman: Excuse me, do you know where 81st Street is? We’re trying to get to the highest point in the park to see The Gates. A NYer points out the way. After she leaves, he says: I’m pretty sure I gave her the wrong directions, but I think she’s high enough. –The Ramble Overheard by: Nathan K. Claus Guy: Man, this will really put New York back on the map. –The Gates Suit: Excuse me, I wanted to ask you about your [big orange] wig. Are you advocating your support for The Gates or are you commenting on how crazy and trivial they are?
Guy: Uh…what wig? –The Gates Overheard by: Greg Rutter Boy: Mom! Was that “art”?
Mother: No, Michael. That was laundry. –Central Park Overheard by: Darko Vraither Old woman #1: Isn’t it lovely?
Old woman #2: Well, I wouldn’t call it art, but I’m certainly glad New York has something to amuse it during the month of February. –MoMA roof Overheard by: Michael Bracy

On a related note, I think my pot dealer’s been ripping me off

Teen boy: Yo, why do they call it a quarter to 8? It’s 15 minutes, and 25 is a quarter.
Girl: Huh?
Teen boy: If I say a quarter to 8, what time is it? It’s 7:45, but that doesn’t make no sense, it should be 7:35, a quarter is 25 not 15. You still don’t get it do you?
Girl: No, I get it, I get it.
Boy: It just doesn’t make no sense. –Q54 Bus, Queens Overheard by: Emily Headline by: Brian Q Runners-Up:
· “At half past eight, he had a profound revelation” – born dumb and in denial
· “Cents and Sensibility” – Jeannine
· “Don’t get him started on “25 or 6 to 4″” – Morgan Charles
· “He may be dumb, but he’s perpetually early” – Josh H
· “Hobo: I’ll take either” – Jedipus
· “How Parking Meters Rip Us Off” – meter man
· “Kid has a point” – ello
· “Metric time claims another victim” – remark
· “Still searching for his 25 minutes of fame…” – C.T. Aiken
· “Time is money, but the dollar is weak” – Mike Britton
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

I'm Not Just Her Attorney, I'm Also a Client

Suit to suit friend: That's so nice of her, to pick you up at one in the morning. You just asked her to come get you?
Suit friend: Yeah, I called her and I was like “hey, babe can you come get me? I got out of work late. Just wake the baby and bring him in the car.” Twenty minutes later she was there. With divorce papers she had been working on.
Suit: Well, at least she picked you up, bro.
Suit friend: Very true. –12th & 5th Overheard by: Sarah

The Best Zoo Party Ever Til’ Everything Went Totally Wrong

Girl #1: I like can’t even wait for going out tomorrow night, it will be so fun!
Girl #2: I know, but like, we are always the ones who plan our nights out.
Girl #1: Yeah, I know! But we are like so good at it, we should be PR girls! Or party planners!
Girl #2: Yeah! We could do child party planning, and like, we could take them to the zoo!
Girl #1: Oh my god, yeah! But we would have to bring alcohol for us.
Girl #2: Well, what would the kids do then?
Girl #1: I dunno, they could like go off and do their own thing while we drink, right?
Girl #2: Totally. –The Bronx Zoo Overheard by: kevin