Archive for the ‘Times Square’ Category

How Do You Keep That Slim, Malnourished Figure?

Female suit #1: So, we have time before the next meeting; should we talk over lunch?
Female suit #2: Sure, you’re the food maven — you pick.
Female suit #1: Any suggestions?
Female suit #2: I don’t eat much. Just coffee and yogurt.
Female suit #1: You only eat coffee and yogurt?
Female suit #2: Yeah….Oh, sometimes i eat sushi.
Female suit #1: Oh! Let’s do sushi!
Female suit #2: Perfect! I love sushi! –MTV buidling, Times Square

…But He's My Son.

20-year-old female host: Can I help you with something?
12-year-old boy, staring at her: I just want to admire your body.
20-year-old female host: Excuse me?
12-year-old boy: You have a great body.
20-year-old female host: Ummmm, thanks…
12-year-old boy's friend: If I were you I'd leave, he's creepy.
20-year-old female host: I wish I could. –Restaurant, Times Square

Jon Lovitz, Is That You Again?

Girl #1: Oh my gosh. I have to pee so bad. Do you think this restaurant will let me use their bathroom?
Girl #2: I don't know, why don't you ask?
Hobo, sunbathing in front of restaurant: Why, of course you may use the bathroom, young lady. But you will have to pay $5.
Girl #1: How do you know?
Hobo: Because this is my restaurant and I own this building.
Girl #2: I find that hard to believe.
Hobo: Look, you can believe me or not, but if you don't pay me the $5 fee, I'm going to expose my golden privates to you. Either way, I come out on top, you see?
Girl #2: Unbelievable! (walks away)
Hobo: Why, thank you. –Times Square

Wednesday One-Liner's Last Dance with Mary Jane

Professor: We will talk about the JDC–the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee. And no, they were not dispensing marijuana. –Queens College Overheard by: ShaniP Trashy JAP on cell: So I told her I was selling, and that bitch was like, "Katrina, for how much?" And I was like "Oh my god, mom, it doesn't matter how much the weed is going for, all that matters is the quality!" –7th Ave, Park Slope Overheard by: penelope Random stranger to teens: You want to buy some weed? Just come back to my mom's house! –Union Square Overheard by: Rhian College student on cell: Mom, you've got to stop smoking so much weed. I mean, fuck! –Time Square Random dude on street: I got it all! Liquor, alcohol, marijuana, Chips Ahoy! I got it! –44th & Broadway Overheard by: Lagster Street vendor: Prada bags, Louis Vuitton bags, Gucci bags, marijuana bags… (everyone looks over at him) Hey, I gotta make money somehow. –Times Square Overheard by: mary jane

Wednesday Pick-Up-Liners

Guy, bumping into girlfriend as bus lurches: Sorry baby, that’s gravity. I can’t help it, I’m physically attracted to you. –M116 Bus Overheard by: I hate the bus Construction worker hitting on young girl: Hey baby, you are too cute to be so pretty! –Allen & East Houston Black bag seller to passerby: Hey sweetheart, you wanna buy a bag today? I’ll tell you what, you buy a bag and I’ll give you my number for free. –33rd & Broadway Man to teenage girls: Do you and your friends like to wrestle? I swear to god I could take you all. –Times Square Overheard by: yearbookie Homie to friends: They say in the old days you couldn’t even holler at a woman cause she wouldn’t answer you. –South Williamsburg Overheard by: DanielXY Homeless man to cute passerby: Nice knees. –Central Park