Priest: Please exit using the side doors as there are things going on in the front. –St. Patrick’s Cathedral Overheard by: Bryant Old lady: Jesus on a check? Oh well, I’m an atheist, so it doesn’t really matter to me. –E. 33rd Street office Woman on cell: He can’t hear you when you hate me…You hate me? Then he can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! Jehovah can’t hear you when you hate me! –42nd between 10th & 11th Woman: You know, they tell those suicide bombers they’ll get 99 virgins when you get to heaven. 99 virgins! But if you blow yourself up in Brooklyn, you only get 50. Half off for Brooklyn. –CVS, Harlem Puerto Rican guy: Jesus loves you. I love you. I know you don’t want to listen to me. I know about your bunny rabbit… Will you be one of the 144,000 chosen?…On July 30th we will all come together. I will wear a kippa. But you know you have to accept the savior…There are 632,000 lords…I will stop talking to you now. The Flintstones told me not to. –4 train Overheard by: Matt F.
Tourist #1: I wonder how they build streets on top of the subways.
Tourist #2: Hmm. You think they're strong enough that they can support the street all by themselves?
Tourist #1, after some thought: Nah, there's gotta be a layer of dirt between them or something. –42nd & Lexington Overheard by: Matt
Asian tourist with map out, blocking walking crowd: Excuse me, I’m looking for Houston street…
Suit, with high-pitched sarcasm: Really? [He keeps walking.] –Houston & Broadway Overheard by: a
Tourist: Is this the way to the subway?
Guard: No. You need to go west of 49th.
Tourist: Can I go down there anyway?
Guard: No. There’s a special event.
Tourist: Please? We’re from California.
Guard: No. Welcome to New York. –Rockefeller Center
Tourist, to man handing out fliers: Thank you very much but I don’t need one.
Passerby: Tourists are fucking weird. –Grand Central
Tourist backpacker with hands on subway doors: Do these open on their own?
Tourist mom to uncool son: Well, that's what you get for trying to be a hipster!
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: j
Tourist: Holy moly, look at that Olive Garden! It's huge! I wish I lived here!
(takes a picture of the restaurant) –Times Square Obese Midwestern woman to obese Midwestern man: Oooh, Applebee's… Now I feel at home here! –Times Square Southern tourist guy: I thought people in Greenwich Village would look stranger. –Bleecker Street Tourist from west coast, after observing the locals for a few innings: You know, Seinfeld makes so much more sense to me now. –Cheap Seats, Coney Island Cyclones Overheard by: Kevin Eliasen
Southern tourist #1: Oh my god! Look! It’s Junior’s Cheesecake!
Southern tourist #2: Oh yeah! I’ve heard of them. They serve it at the Cheesecake Factory! –Minskoff Theatre Overheard by: Renee
Boat PA: Ladies and gentlemen on the top deck of the boat, please do not stand on the benches. If you fall overboard, you will die in this frigid, freezing water. Thank you, and enjoy your visit to Ellis island. –Ellis Island Ferry Overheard by: land lubber Urban sophisticate: Steve Irwin’s death was random. That stingray did not know where his heart was! –Metropolitan Opera Overheard by: Opera Onlooker Male suit to woman suit: So, hopefully you’re not the angel of death… Are you? –53rd & Broadway Overheard by: S&B Teen guy to three teenage girls: I’m pretty sure I’m invincible and can’t die. –6th Ave Overheard by: Justin Woman on cell: My trip went really well, except for Marilyn’s* death and all. –52nd St & Madison Overheard by: kinicke 50-something professor: So, then the little girl goes back up into her room where she is reading bible verses while everyone else is in church. Then, she either dies all alone… Like Heath Ledger… Or she kills herself. We just don’t know. –Barnard College
Police officer to taxi driver: If you just hit one, the rest will scatter. –Herald Square Guy to girl, pushing her into the street: Anna versus car, who will win? –E Houston & Ave D Overheard by: haha Tourist to New Yorker: You're not supposed to jaywalk! –Herald Square Chick to another: We didn't get hit by a car… Oh well, maybe next time. –7th & 23rd Overheard by: Stormy Guy with stroller to passing car: You hit my baby, I'll take your car! –Fordham & Hoffman Overheard by: sromeo Crossing guard, watching pedestrian cross in a hurry: My money's on the bus! –Lower Manhattan Overheard by: Steve
Tourist: Which way to the famous deli?
Cop: Which one?
Tourist: You know, the famous one. –47th St Overheard by: cb