Archive for the ‘Tourism’ Category

OMG! It’s Wednesday One-liners!

Priest: Please exit using the side doors as there are things going on in the front. –St. Patrick’s Cathedral Overheard by: Bryant Old lady: Jesus on a check? Oh well, I’m an atheist, so it doesn’t really matter to me. –E. 33rd Street office Woman on cell: He can’t hear you when you hate me…You hate me? Then he can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! Jehovah can’t hear you when you hate me! –42nd between 10th & 11th Woman: You know, they tell those suicide bombers they’ll get 99 virgins when you get to heaven. 99 virgins! But if you blow yourself up in Brooklyn, you only get 50. Half off for Brooklyn. –CVS, Harlem Puerto Rican guy: Jesus loves you. I love you. I know you don’t want to listen to me. I know about your bunny rabbit… Will you be one of the 144,000 chosen?…On July 30th we will all come together. I will wear a kippa. But you know you have to accept the savior…There are 632,000 lords…I will stop talking to you now. The Flintstones told me not to. –4 train Overheard by: Matt F.

Wednesday One-Liners Keep Their Eyes Peeled for Movie Stars

Tourist backpacker with hands on subway doors: Do these open on their own? –1 Train Tourist mom to uncool son: Well, that's what you get for trying to be a hipster! –Union Square Park Overheard by: j Tourist: Holy moly, look at that Olive Garden! It's huge! I wish I lived here!
(takes a picture of the restaurant) –Times Square Obese Midwestern woman to obese Midwestern man: Oooh, Applebee's… Now I feel at home here! –Times Square Southern tourist guy: I thought people in Greenwich Village would look stranger. –Bleecker Street Tourist from west coast, after observing the locals for a few innings: You know, Seinfeld makes so much more sense to me now. –Cheap Seats, Coney Island Cyclones Overheard by: Kevin Eliasen

Nos Morituri Te Wednesday One-Liners

Boat PA: Ladies and gentlemen on the top deck of the boat, please do not stand on the benches. If you fall overboard, you will die in this frigid, freezing water. Thank you, and enjoy your visit to Ellis island. –Ellis Island Ferry Overheard by: land lubber Urban sophisticate: Steve Irwin’s death was random. That stingray did not know where his heart was! –Metropolitan Opera Overheard by: Opera Onlooker Male suit to woman suit: So, hopefully you’re not the angel of death… Are you? –53rd & Broadway Overheard by: S&B Teen guy to three teenage girls: I’m pretty sure I’m invincible and can’t die. –6th Ave Overheard by: Justin Woman on cell: My trip went really well, except for Marilyn’s* death and all. –52nd St & Madison Overheard by: kinicke 50-something professor: So, then the little girl goes back up into her room where she is reading bible verses while everyone else is in church. Then, she either dies all alone… Like Heath Ledger… Or she kills herself. We just don’t know. –Barnard College

Wednesday One-Liners Aren't That Kind Of Streetwalker

Police officer to taxi driver: If you just hit one, the rest will scatter. –Herald Square Guy to girl, pushing her into the street: Anna versus car, who will win? –E Houston & Ave D Overheard by: haha Tourist to New Yorker: You're not supposed to jaywalk! –Herald Square Chick to another: We didn't get hit by a car… Oh well, maybe next time. –7th & 23rd Overheard by: Stormy Guy with stroller to passing car: You hit my baby, I'll take your car! –Fordham & Hoffman Overheard by: sromeo Crossing guard, watching pedestrian cross in a hurry: My money's on the bus! –Lower Manhattan Overheard by: Steve