Archive for the ‘Tourism’ Category

How Carlo Ended Up in Iraq

Confused Italian tourist: Excuse me, this go to South Ferry?
Guy: Yes. It's the last stop.
Confused Italian tourist: How I tell?
Guy: What? It's the last stop.
Confused Italian tourist: How I tell? How I know?
Guy: All the other tourists will get off! Follow the people like you.
Confused Italian tourist: No! How I tell!
Guy: That guy with the camera… follow him!

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Spoke Italian but was feeling unhelpful

Wednesday One-Liners Think “Abroad” Sounds Dirty

20-something college student: I saw the movie Australia the other day, and I couldn't understand anything because they all had English accents.

–2 Train

Indian woman with accent, recalling story to husband: So I called up customer service, and right away the woman said "Oh, priti, you must be Indian". I said "No, I am not." I was like "What? Are you kidding me? I call customer service and they put me through to India? Then she said "Have you ever been to India?", I was like "No, I have not, is it nice?"

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Marie Z.

10-year-old girl, emoting mockingly for her minder: And I can see *Russia* from my *house*!

–74th & Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Woman on cell: It's okay, I've got a plan. We'll move to Mexico, buy a lemonade stand by buying parts from a guy called Javier, earn some money, then smuggle ourselves and our belongings over the border to America, where no one will know what happened.

–5th Ave

30-something to friend: Apparently all of England's problems can't be solved by strangling an old guy!

–Roosevelt Island

Wednesday's One-Liners Sell Themselves

Teenage nerd: My boss and my dealer have the same name. One time I called my boss asking for weed, and he was like "hey!" and I was like "yo, lemme cop" and he was like "I think you have the wrong number" and I hung up.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: joy

Yuppie 30-something in black coat and white scarf: I'm going crazy! I've got his dealer's number programmed into my phone, but I can't remember her name, so if I call, I won't know who to ask for. And you have to know who to ask for, or they'll think you're a cop!

–16th St & 7th Ave

Loud, mildly intoxicated girl at dinner: People who litter are so much worse than drug dealers.

–Brooklyn

Lady on cell: Tourism is the only industry that doesn't depend on drug cartels.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Diaz

But You Can Leave Your Cute Little Dog Here

Tourist to no one in particular: Which way is the gay area?
Queer in black leather gear: You’re here.
Tourist: Where are the gay stores?
Queer in black leather gear: All around here.
Tourist: Where are the gay people?
Tourist friend: I think they go out more in the night time, right?
Queer in black leather gear: Go back to Kansas.

–16th & 8th

Overheard by: amalia