Mother: Hey, have you been to the freak show…lately? –Coney Island Boardwalk Overheard by: Matt Law
Archive for the ‘Tourist Attractions’ Category
Ever Feel This Way About Life?
Clueless European tourist: Is this the train to, um, men-a-tin?
Loud annoyed New Yorker: Where?
Clueless European tourist, carefully: Man-hat-tan?
Loud annoyed New Yorker: You're in Manhattan already!
Clueless European tourist, looking around confused: Um, downtown?
Loud annoyed New Yorker: That's the only place this train goes. You can't go anywhere else from here!
–A Train, 207th St
Overheard by: The Green Cat
And Even There They Just Do It for Laughs
Girl going through security: Do I have to take off my shoes?
Security guard with Eastern European accent: No, no, is no need. We are not crazy. We are not at the airport.
–Top of the Rock Observation Deck
Overheard by: Those were NOT my roommates!
Wednesday One-Liners … For Me to Poop On!
Girl yelling at guy wearing ridiculously oversized shorts: Eat my shit out the toilet! Stew my shit and eat it!
–109th & Manhattan
Random girl: The only thing is, you have to flush your own toilet paper.
–Brooklyn Botanic Garden
Overheard by: the old fashioned way
Teenager: So then I pooped my pants, and my belt buckle exploded!
–Fulton Street
Overheard by: The Lane Train
10-year-old boy walking with his mom and sister: I'm a good guy. I don't pee on the floor. Or doo doo.
–Broadway, Astoria
Teen on cell: Alright, I'm gonna go home. I gotta clean up some poop.
–49th & 3rd
Girl: He called me last night and said he wanted to see me! When the maid knocked on the door I thought it was him and I thought, "I think I have to poop!"
–Milford Hotel Lobby
Where in the World Are Wednesday One-Liners?
College girl: So, I'm thinking of going to France and/or, like, Europe.
–Penn Station
Confused tourist with map: Where's Chicago? Oh, right…that's here in New York City, right?
–Times Square
Guy with map in Tribeca (pointing ahead to the south): Okay, so Central Park should be this way…
–Tribeca
Wide-eyed tourist: Oh my god, we're in Central Park! Can you believe it?
–Riverside Park
30-something zoo patron to zoo employee: I thought Madagascar was just the name of a character in that movie.
–Madagascar Exhibit, Bronx Zoo
Thanks, I Guess
Teenage girl #1: Did you know… If I shot you in the head right now, you wouldn't even know you were dead!
Teenage girl #2: Whoa!
–Coney Island, in Line for Wonder Wheel
But Grandpa, You Must Have!
Man #1: Yes you did!
Man #2: I didn't fuck your grandma!
–Central Park Zoo
Your Real Parents Are Never Coming for You, Kid
(family stands facing the empire state building)
Tourist son: Mom, which one is the Empire State Building?
Tourist mom: I think it's the one with the circley top. (points to the Chrysler Building)
Tourist dad: No, honey, it's the one way out there, on the water.
Tourist son #2: That's the Statue of Liberty. (to no one in paritcular) I can't believe I'm part of this fucking family.
–Top of the Rock
Overheard by: Melissa
I’ll Need to Review the Ensemble Personally, First
Teenage nymphette: I want to go back to the hotel and go swimming.
Chaperone: What do you have to swim in?
Teenage nymphette: My bra and thong.
Chaperone: Oh no no, I don’t think so.
–Top of the Rock Observation Floor
Al-Qaeda: Hmmm…
Mother to son, as he exits camel ride: Were you scared?
Son: The part that was scariest was the germs.
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: mully