Archive for the ‘Tourist Attractions’ Category

Your Real Parents Are Never Coming for You, Kid

(family stands facing the empire state building)
Tourist son
: Mom, which one is the Empire State Building?

Tourist mom: I think it's the one with the circley top. (points to the Chrysler Building)
Tourist dad: No, honey, it's the one way out there, on the water.
Tourist son #2: That's the Statue of Liberty. (to no one in paritcular) I can't believe I'm part of this fucking family.

–Top of the Rock

Overheard by: Melissa

Send in the Wednesday One-Liners

Ghetto kid at a carnival: Man, that wasn’t no clown. That was just someone dressed like a clown!

–P.S. 218, The Bronx

Overheard by: Children are the future

Fourteen-year-old black girl to friend: You should have thrown a brick at a clown and seen the blood. You would have loved that.

–7th Ave Street Fair, Park Slope

Overheard by: send in the clowns

Little girl, pointing at obvious pimp: Look mommy, look! A clown!

–Brooklyn

Janitor to clown post-show: Everybody loves clowns. Even Bill Gates!

–Barnum & Bailey Circus

Slightly crazed looking man to well-dressed blonde chick: For $300 you’ll get a clown and a playboy bunny!

–E4th & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: I might consider paying up

And the Gypsies Just Aren’t Nabbing Them Like They Used to

Flustered woman, about her brood: Have we lost anyone yet?
Husband: Ummm… No.
Flustered woman: Well, who are we going to lose first? Because we haven’t lost anyone yet.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Josh

Headline by: Aeirlys

Runners-Up:
· “Because Abortion THIS Late in the Term Is Just Tacky” – Hillary Claire

· “Hobos Aren’t Born. They’re Made.” – Krisztina
· “It Looked So Much Easier in Home Alone” – You Don’t Want To Know
· “Things Were Shaky Until Fraulein Maria Came Along” – allison
· “Two Roads Diverged in the Woods – I Chose the One My Children Couldn’t Travel” – Drewp


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday Just Can’t Commit to a One-Liner

Mid-20s girl: I never date a guy who gets more than three questions wrong on the SATs. I don’t plan it, it just works out that way.

–23rd & 8th

Overheard by: Limey

Hipster on cell: I went through this time when I was like, ‘I could have 800 girlfriends at the same time and just not tell them about each other.’ That was much easier…

–Bedford Ave, Williamsburg

Guy pointing to nothing in particular on the sidewalk: Uh, dude, you dropped your girlfriend.

–Times Square

Overheard by: christine

Muslim woman in full abaya, dragging husband along: Right now I need to focus on my needs. Do you hear me? This is about my needs!

–Atlantic Ave, in front of Brooklyn Heights YMCA

Man to woman on the sidewalk: Well, we had our one, but it wasn’t so much a fight as it was a mini-series.

–12th, between 6th & 5th

Overheard by: Karen

Girl: My asshole boyfriend! I was just staying with him until Valentine’s Day so that I could get a present, and tomorrow he’s history! But then I didn’t even get that!

–NYU Silver Center

Three-Piece Wednesday One-Liners

Suit on cell: Yeah, man, I’m so jealous. I mean, my holes have been full for years!

–Times Square

Overheard by: biting my tongue

Suit: I just met you. I can call you an asshole.

–Livingston St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sean McGurr

Suit: Are you listening to me?! The Projects are not natural!

–125th St

Overheard by: Kerry & Bob

Suit: … So then I grabbed the vise-grips and got him by the lips…

–59th & Lex

Overheard by: I really hope he was talking about a fish

Suit on cell: … So he was going to build this underground tunnel to the road from his house. Like, an escape tunnel thing. No, he sold the street-legal side and handles the government contracting. Well, he couldn’t get the zoning for a tunnel, so he’s building a retractable bridge.

–55th & Park

Suit: I hate getting buzzed in the afternoon. It makes me feel like a craven bastard.

–Liberty & Broadway

Overheard by: Mondo Man