Man, during intermission of Chicago: Did you see the chorus girl with the long auburn hair?
Woman: Yeah?
Man: I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her in porn on the internet.
Woman, annoyed: Well, when we get home maybe you can find out for sure.
Man: I’m not saying she can’t sing!
–Ambassador Theatre, W 49th
Overheard by: Big Larry
Archive for the ‘Tourist Attractions’ Category
At Least She’s Reading
Ghetto chick: Excuse me! Excuse me! What’s the name of the towers that got knocked down?
Incredulous passerby: Umm . . . The World Trade Center.
Ghetto chick to thug boyfriend: See! I told you it wasn’t none of that twin towers. You thinking of Lord of the Rings.
–Vesey St
Will We See Live Hipsters in Their Natural Habitat?
Minnesota girl: Like, when I come to New York I want to do something, like, crazy and fun!
Guy: Well, listen, you ran into the right guy, because I am, like…
Girl and guy in unison: Mr. Crazy Fun!
Guy: Exactly. Like, tonight I’m thinking about starting off at this place called a hookah bar. Have you ever heard of one?
Girl: No! What is it?
Guy: Well, it’s this place where you smoke tobacco in Jordanian water pipes!
Girl: Wow.
–Koronets Pizza, 110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Wyatt
Rinse, Repeat
Teen girl #1: Wait, so you just let him do you in the butt? You let him sodomize you?
Teen girl #2: It wasn’t bad. I couldn’t shit for a few days, though. So I took some laxatives, then I shit myself in the mall yesterday.
–Liberty Island
Overheard by: binja
Wednesday One-Liners Thought Felicity Huffman Deserved that Oscar
Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?
–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave
Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.
–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel
TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Limey
Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’
–26th St
Overheard by: agrees with that girl
College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?
–114th & Broadway
Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.
–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Go, Go Gadget Hydrocar!
Cabbie: Where-to, lady?
Confused tourist: The Statue of Liberty.
–Rockefeller Plaza
Wednesday One-Liners Are as Dumb as They Look
Prep chick: Is it amoebas that come from Mexico? Or am I thinking of armadillos?
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Francesca
White teen girl: So, is there a Friday next week?
–4 train
Overheard by: Gregorio
Girlfriend: If your friends told you to jump down a bridge, would you do it?
–D train, Grand Concourse
Suit to black gangster holding large chameleon: Excuse me, sir. What species of dinosaur is that?
–Manhattan-bound F train
Overheard by: Josh
Teen: So how much would the game cost if it was $17.99?
–Game Stop, Forest Hills
Future zoologist: They have sea lions here! They’re like lions — from the sea!
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Andrew K.
What’s More American Than a Severely Defective Grasp of History?
Mom with teen son: Doesn’t looking at that just make you proud to be an American?
Son: Yeah… except for the fact that the Chinese gave it to us.
–Statue of Liberty Ferry
Overheard by: Julia
Which Is All About the Unknowns
Female tourist: I don’t get it. This isn’t a square, it’s like… triangular.
Male tourist: No, no, they just call it that because… well… it’s like… a square… a square of people. I don’t know, it has something to do with algebra.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Luke
Sadly Not Beyond the Realm of Possibility
Kid presses call button on commuter hotline phone.
Father: Why did you do that?
Son: I’m sorry. I didn’t know what it was.
Father: If you do that again the police will arrest you.
Son: Really?
Father: Yes, George Bush will come and take you to jail.
Son: What?
Father: He will kill you and put your picture on the Wall of Memories [Ground Zero feature].
–World Trade Center PATH station