Archive for the ‘Tourists’ Category

Isn’t That Nice?

Tourist lady: Everyone has been so nice in New York; not what I expected.
Woman: We are nice, just self-absorbed.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Renaissance Chick

Chick #1: Omigod, like, if I like your earrings, why should I tell someone else I like your earrings? I should just tell you.
Chick #2: Omigod, I’m just like that too. But really it’s because I love getting compliments.
Chick #1: Omigod! Me, too! It’s the only reason why I say nice things to other people.

–33rd & 6th

Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon

Girl: Fuck nice! I am a born and bred New Yorker, I don’t care for nice. I dont’ want to be nice, I want to be right! Fuck nice!

–O’Neil’s Irish Bar ladies’ room, 3rd Avenue

Overheard by: Banana

How Isn’t It?

Tourist dad: Oh my god, why does it say Grand Central? Guys, get off the train! Why is it Grand Central?
Chick: If you’re trying to go to Times Square just wait on that platform.
Tourist dad: No, we’re trying to go to Grand Central Station.
Chick: Um, well, you’re here.
Tourist dad: Grand Central Terminal? How is it Grand Central? –7 train

Of Course, I’ve Only Been Home Twice in the Last Twenty Years

Tourist with map: I don’t get it. What’s the difference between the dot stations and the circle stations?
Eccentric New Yorker: Oh, I have no idea. I travel by process of elimination. I get out at a station and see where I am until I get to the right place. I’ve been everywhere. Sheepshead Bay, Kew Gardens…

–Q train

Overheard by: A White Bear

Ever Wish You Could Vote Tourists Off the Island?

French tourist, after discussing America's faults in the world, to American man: Can you take a picture of us with the Statue of Liberty in the background?
American man: Ain't she a beautiful bitch?
French tourist: Why do you say “bitch”?
American man: Well, she's French. Welcome to America.

–Staten Island Ferry