Archive for the ‘Train Station’ Category

Has “Fruit” Been Reclaimed Yet?

Dad: So what did you learn in school today?
Son: Ummm…a tomato is a fruit.
Dad: What? A tomato is a fruit?
Son: Yeah, cause it has seeds.
Dad: You’re telling me a tomato is a fruit? Is a pumpkin a fruit?
Son: Yeah, they have seeds.
Dad: What about a cucumber, is that a fruit?
Son: No.
Dad: What about a squash? A zucchini? You know what I think? I think you’re the fruit!
Son: No, I don’t have seeds.
Dad: …I’m not going there. –Grand Central Overheard by: Rehey

Maybe She's Born with It? Maybe It's Wednesday One-Liner.

Guy preaching on subway: I noticed I would always get hit on by beautiful women when I was with a woman, so I started hanging out with lesbians, and now we pick up women together. –1 Train Overheard by: Alexis Panhandler going through train: God bless you, will anyone spare some money? God bless you, damm! You have a pretty white girlfriend. –6 Train Overheard by: Jackie Woman giving out free loot: You girls are so pretty, want some condoms? –Grand Central Station Hobo: Why do rich men get to marry all the pretty girls, kill them, and get away with it? –125th St Trashed girl, coming out of bathroom: I hate when guys say, "you're pretty enough." –Bar 9, 54th & 9th Overheard by: Ladle Big slobby schlub, loudly talking to buddy: So, she was about to become another disposable pretty girl. –W 66th St Overheard by: Susan Volchok Rambling crazy man: All of you women look beautiful, but in the end, y'all still have to take a shit! –L Train Overheard by: The City Planner

Don't Read Too Much Into These Wednesday One-Liners

Check in girl: I only like buying books with sparkles on the cover. –York & 72nd Overheard by: fance Teenage girl on cell: I gotta find this book in the religion section. You know, it's like… it's not that you believe in god, or you don't believe in god, but that you just don't care? I want that book! –Borders Bookstore, Midtown Amtrak conductor: A free copy of Amtrak's Arrive magazine is located in your seat pocket. For those seeking enlightenment, this magazine is the first step. –Train, Penn Station Student, discussing The Sound and the Fury: I suppose it's a very *artsy* ending–a big, retarded guy holding a broken flower… Does that come with skinny jeans and an apartment in Williamsburg? –Stuyvesant High School Tipsy 30-something nerd: We can't all be riding escalators with hard-ons.(older woman turns around) What, lady? It's a literary reference, look it up! –1st & 7th Overheard by: Phyllis Dean

Life Imitates… Art?

Yuppie: Do you think my neighborhood is sketchy, too?
Friend #1: Well, the part where you walk past the abandoned warehouse *is* sketchy.
Yuppie: They're building an addition. In six months, abandoned no more.
Friend #2: I hear DUMBO is hot right now.
Yuppie: You know, whenever I tell anybody I live in DUMBO, it's like that movie Zoolander, whenever Hansel comes in and they all go, “oh, Hansel's hot now.” –High Street Train Station

Wednesday One-Liners' Monogrammed Towels Say “W.O.L.”

Preppy teenage boy on cell: I use the word "ex" as a coping mechanism. She can have her name back once I'm healed. –Grand Central Transvestite on cell: I'm changing my name from Angela to Rachel. Angela sounds very Disney. I don't feel like Disney. I feel like a hard sound, like Rachel. –Pelham Bay Park Black guy: Shit be fucked up. Niggas got bitches' names. Bitches got niggas' names. –26th & 8th Overheard by: Withnail Yuppie to another: You know, man, I think you say my name more than your wife's. –62nd & 2nd Overheard by: The Vonz Upper East Side girl, seriously: You know what the first thing I look for in a gentleman caller is? His name. –89th St & 3rd Ave

Read These Wednesday One-Liners to Induce Vomiting

Guy: Once I told my friend Ivan that I like to eat my scabs, and he said he did too, so we ate each other scabs. –Park Slope Ugly drunk girl: Sometimes I pick people's noses. (pause) Usually nothing comes out! –LIRR, Huntington Line Overheard by: I Commuters Black guy on cell: Then I put KY all over her pussy, yo, and she wanted to spoon that shit up and eat it! –Lafayette St Man to family: Well, I've got to assume he's getting sick anyway, judging by the snot I just saw. –Grand Central Station Male law student: That's the good thing. You can scratch all day and it won't spread. –Fordham Law School 20-something receptionist: Urp! I think I just coughed up a fetus. I better Lysol the phone. –5th Ave Overheard by: BrooklynBorn

Wednesday One-Liners Dread Ending Up on The Surreal Life

NYU guy to pal: If you could pick any five girls, and one of them had to be Tom Cruise… –St. Mark’s & 3rd Overheard by: Lexey Man: If Leonard Cohen were a hamster, I’d kill him. –Freddy’s Bar, Brooklyn Hobo: Donald Trump is my cousin, but he doesn’t know it because I came out black. –Museum Mile Teen girl on cell: Hey, I just read that Brad and Angelina decided to adopt their next kid from Vietnam. You totally have a shot… No, seriously, you should apply. I mean, I guess you’d have to try out and stuff, but it’d so be worth it. –Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Whitehall St Skinny black goth girl: Am I gay, or am I Paris Hilton?! –Cardozo High School MTA elevator operator to another: You don’t have to be forgiven. Clint Eastwood taught us that. –1 train station elevator, 168th St Overheard by: martin gehrke Guy on cell in line: Yeah, she’s messing around with Michael Jordan and shit! You do not want your lady messing around with Michael Jordan! –Rite Aid, Brooklyn Heights Overheard by: dutchman