Man: …and then she’s gon’ ask me, “How was church?” I’m like, get the fuck outta here. How many times have I asked her to go to Goddamn church with me? Every fuckin’ Sunday, I ask that bitch to go to Goddamn church with me. Never! Not once has she come with me, now she wants to ask me, “How was fuckin’ church?”. –Sephora, 19th & 5th Overheard by: yassira diggs Mormon guy: So last time I was here, I was trying to get to Columbia, and I missed my stop and got off in Harlem. And I looked around and thought, “I can’t believe I’m the only white person here!” And sure enough, I was the only white person there. I mean, I was wearing a tie! –flight into JFK Woman: Oh boy, you are in trouble girl. Jesus says to come over here right now. Jesus says come over here now! –Brooklyn Museum Guy: So I really need your advice. My wife was driving on the LIE, and she had a vision from God telling her to sleep with this other guy, so she did. Well, I finally got her to move back in with me, but now she says I’m full of shit and everything I say is a lie. I really want to work this out with her, you know? –Penn Station God Squad guy: I love all y’all in the name of Jesus, ’cause I got Jesus! I’m blessed, you’re stressed. I’m anointed, you’re disappointed! –4 train Overheard by: saltylips God Squad woman: Here come da Jesus, fire from his mouth! –1st Avenue L station Overheard by: Adam Nathan Girl: Jesus there’s like a restaurant every two feet here. –46th between 8th & 9th Man: …come to think about it, my grandfather was in charge of the marshmallow burning during Joan of Arc’s burning, so I guess it’s in my heritage! –45th between 8th & 9th Overheard by: Alex Venguer
Old man #1: I don’t know what happened! The other day I was 22 years old. Time really goes by, doesn’t it?
Old man #2: It sure does… I’m 76.
Old man #1: That is good… I hope heaven is nice.
–PATH station, 9th St
Recorded voice on loudspeaker: The train on platform 2 is now departing.
Man, running down stairs, in sing-song voice: I'm co-ming!
Overheard by: Tigertail
Conductor, after fat girl vomits and dances on it: Attention passengers, if you are going to vomit on this train, go to the bathroom. If you can not make it to the bathroom, vomit on yourself. Do not dance in your own vomit, and do not vomit on my train. Thank you.
–Babylon Line, Penn Station
Overheard by: Feta Cheese
Yuppie: Do you think my neighborhood is sketchy, too?
Friend #1: Well, the part where you walk past the abandoned warehouse *is* sketchy.
Yuppie: They're building an addition. In six months, abandoned no more.
Friend #2: I hear DUMBO is hot right now.
Yuppie: You know, whenever I tell anybody I live in DUMBO, it's like that movie Zoolander, whenever Hansel comes in and they all go, “oh, Hansel's hot now.”
–High Street Train Station
Older black man to nobody in particular: Ain't nothin' done changed in two-hundred years! White folks is still goin' round makin' a mess and then makin' a black man come in and clean up after them…
–Post Office, Gun Hill & Jerome, The Bronx
Asian girl: Do white people eat sandwiches for dinner?
Overheard by: Spec
Black teen girl: If a sister is feeding a white bitch, you know she is fucked up.
Overheard by: Chris K
Black chick: But can a Frenchman be a honky?
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Hunter
Linguistically savvy hobo: The term "cracker" originated from a man named Robert Whitely. It was used to refer to people as "white trash".
–37th & 3rd
Latina woman to elderly mother: We gonna find you a seat soon, mami. If I gotta beat up white bitches… Let's go.
–3rd & 1st
Overheard by: j
Suit to woman blocking left side of escalator: Politely excuse me, could you move aside? (woman waves man around and keeps chatting on cell)
Suit, politely: Ma'am, you should stay to the right if you are standing.
(woman angrily waves, mutters)
Suit, pushing her past: Fucking cunt!
Woman, politely: Fuck you, bitch.
–WTC PATH Station
Overheard by: Mondo Man
Lonely cat lady: Remember a few years back when I had ten cats? I knitted ten of these adorable little stockings for them, and I filled each one with catnip. Well, I never did that again!
Passenger: Why? Did they all freak out over the catnip?
Lonely cat lady: No, they didn't even appreciate all the work that went into it. They just ignored them.
–Midtown NJ Tranist
Girl to another: And she went to get into her car. I was like "you'd better get out of here or I'm gonna fuck you up." And she was all slamming the door and stopping over to me. And I was all in her face and bitch-slapped her. Well, that last part might have been a dream. But then she got into her car and left.
–NY Central Library
Overheard by: amused
Woman on cell: Hi, Annie! How are you? (pause) I'm going to get my ass kicked by a very big black man.
Suit on cell: If you don't stop hanging up on me, I will kick you in the throat.
Guy on cell, very loudly: Yeah, but, so nobody knows about it except me and the other guys in the fight club.
–21st St & Broadway
Overheard by: Alex
20-something girl: And then she chloroformed me. (pause) I said that too loud.
Overheard by: Russ
Dad: So what did you learn in school today?
Son: Ummm…a tomato is a fruit.
Dad: What? A tomato is a fruit?
Son: Yeah, cause it has seeds.
Dad: You’re telling me a tomato is a fruit? Is a pumpkin a fruit?
Son: Yeah, they have seeds.
Dad: What about a cucumber, is that a fruit?
Dad: What about a squash? A zucchini? You know what I think? I think you’re the fruit!
Son: No, I don’t have seeds.
Dad: …I’m not going there. –Grand Central Overheard by: Rehey