Archive for the ‘Trains Not Subway’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Get a Reltney

Hipster girl: And he's always like, "oh god, I'm so hard!" and I'm always just like, "really?" –Kimmel Cafeteria, NYU Loud passenger: I'm so horny I'd fuck a potato right now. –Metro-North Overheard by: fingerling Guy: I've had a hard-on all day! I need to polish my lid. –Hard Rock Cafe Bearded hipster to another, on blanket in the park: Like, I could have sex eight times in a day and still come here and get a boner. –McCarren Park, Williamsburg Overheard by: kalbijim Girl to guy friend: Did you just get a boner while we're talking about Mexicans and drowning? –Williamsburg

I Looked Into The Abyss, and It Shit Itself

Geek: Well, she was dog-sitting and the dog died. The family, I guess, was someplace where they couldn’t get home, so she had to take care of it.
Dude: Take care of it?
Geek: Well, she was in Boston but didn’t have a car and didn’t know what to do with it because she couldn’t carry it, so she put it in a rolling suitcase to take it to the vet. On her way there, some guy saw her struggling with the bag and offered to help her carry it. When they were almost to the vet he asked what was in the bag, and, because I guess she didn’t think she could tell him that there was a dead dog in the bag, she said, ‘Electronics!’ Apparently, he looked at her, looked at the bag, punched her in the face, and ran off with the dog! Can you fucking believe it?! He stole the dead dog!
Quiet friend: … Did she have a black eye?
Dude: I can’t wait to talk to her when we get back to Boston so I can make fun of her! [Later…] I swear to God, if some girl I was fucking got knocked up, I would kill myself. Well, I would kill myself and then I would punch her in the face… Fuck, if she got pregnant, I would tear that baby out with a fork! –Metro-North, New Haven line

Wednesday One-liners for Fuck Machines

Wednesday One-Liners Suit Up

Suit on cell: I expected pus, but it’s got little black specks in it. –Pelham Bay Park, the Bronx Overheard by: HelenA.Handbasket Suit: When I said “fairy tale” I meant like Mother Goose–not Miss Dirty Martini! –F train Overheard by: braincurve Suit #1 to suit #2: Oh sure, I’ve got a source. I can get you a kidney, no problem. –Madison Square Park Female suit on cell: I don’t think you’re hearing what I’m saying. I think you’re in a very nagging place right now. –Duane & Broadway Overheard by: Rich Mintz Middle-Aged suit: Boobies boobies boobies. Boobies boobies boobies… –41st & 8th Suit on cell: So there’s gonna be total chaos on September 14th, but that’s all we have planned so far. –Church St Overheard by: Dara Suit: My goal in life is to one day sue someone. –A train Overheard by: LSB