Archive for the ‘Trains Not Subway’ Category

I Mean, What Are the Odds Of Her Meeting Anybody Who Likes Her the Way She Is?

Dude #1: I think she's cute.
Dude #2: You have serious problems.
Dude #1: Really?
Dude #2: Like, you should be going to meetings or something.
Dude #1 (laughing): There are a lot of things I should be going to meetings for.
Dude #2: True story!
Dude #1: But seriously, I think she's kinda cute.
Dude #2: She needs to lose about 30 pounds.
Dude #1: I told her 20.
Dude #2: Okay. We'll reevaluate after 20.

–MetroNorth, Harlem Line

Overheard by: rpk

Real Bunny Eyes Dissolve, Too

Girl #1: We did this experiment with Peeps in high school. Nothing dissolved them. Not hydrochloric acid. Highly concentrated. Not sulfuric acid. Highly concentrated. Not nitric acid. Highly concentrated. Nothing dissolved except the eyes.
Girl #2: So how come when I eat Peeps, my poop isn’t pink and sparkly?
Girl #1: Oh, there’s ingredient breakdown and bile’s involved, but you pretty much shit Peep. –Metro-North train

You’ve Got the Wrong Railroad for That, Ma’am

[After being asked for full fare.]
Ghetto woman
: No, ma’am! I do not have to pay! Did you forget about Abraham Lincoln in 1856, I mean 1865? He freed the slaves! Guess you forgot!

Assistant conductor: I still need the full fare, ma’am!
Ghetto woman: No, ma’am! I still don’t see my reparations! Where’s my check?!?! Where’s my 40 acres and a mule?!?!

–Metro North

Overheard by: Laughing Whitey

She Never Made It

Ghetto chick holding up lipstick: Teesha, smell this! Do this smell right to you?
Teesha: I don’t know. What it s’posed to smell like?
Ghetto chick: It smell funny — like it been in the store too long. I’ma take this shit back to Rite Aid [she puts the lipstick on].

–PATH

Overheard by: Manhattman

Tonight on Fox: When Stereotypes Attack!

Girl #1, after friend hangs up her cell: Who was that?
Girl #2: My brother’s baby-mama.
Girl #1: So, your sister-in-law?
Girl #2: No, my brother’s baby-mama.
Girl #1: But she would be your sister-in-law if y’all were married, right?
Girl #2: Yeah, I guess.
Girl #1: So, what’d she say?
Girl #2: My baby-father’s in the hospital. Some girl stabbed him in the back.
Girl #1: Who?
Girl #2: Some girl at a barbecue. I wonder what he did to her.
Girl #1: You just can’t control a man’s actions. He’s gonna do what he’s gonna do.
Girl #2: I’ve gotta go to the hospital now. He better not die!

–PATH

Wednesday One-Liners? Please Hold.

Guy on cell: I'm gonna come over and give you a big hug before doomsday.

–Outside NYU Dorm

Guy holding up drunk friend: I have to hug the fat kid?! Why don't you try hugging a fat kid?

–LIRR, Penn Station

Overheard by: Laura

Hobo to startled girl: If you give me a dollar I won't hug you.

–7 Train

Small boy, loudly, after some take-off turbulence: The plane is going down… Everybody hug!

–Runway Strip, JFK

Overheard by: PSUny