Archive for the ‘Trains Not Subway’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Shameless Pecker Checkers

Suit on cell: I said to him, "If I had my dick out on the bar, you think she wouldn't look at it?" and he kept telling me I owed her an apology, so I said, "Sweetheart, sorry I looked at your pussy." Listen, I gotta get off the train now. I'll call you back.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Pasty

Guy standing at lowered urinal to guy standing at regular height urinal: The low urinal is for the guys with big dicks, so they don't bottom out.

–Roc Restaurant

Guy to group of friends (boisterously): I only date chicks with small hands…makes my dick look huge!

–St. Andrews Bar

Overheard by: allimax

Woman (screaming into phone): Suck my dick, bitch!

–Near Manhattan Mall

Guy shouting into cell: We got a cab. And you can eat a dick.

–Hanover & Water

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because some dick is holding the door. We will be moving when the dick takes his arm out the door.

–4 Train

Overheard by: jessie

The Child Is the Father Of the Wednesday One-Liner

Flamboyant hipster Latino to straight-looking Latino boyfriend: Someday he'll call you daddy, and then all hell is gonna break loose.

–Ave C & 16th St

Lady to nine-year-old boy: I hate to tell you, but your dad is in jail. He owes me a lot of money!

–R Train

Guy on cell: Yeah, look, I told you. Your bail was set at $18,000. The bail bondsman wants 10%. Where the fuck am I supposed to get $1,800 to bail your sorry ass out of jail? (pause) Yeah, I love you too, dad.

–33rd St b/w 7th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Jason

FedEx delivery guy on cell: How the hell did Halle Berry get pregnant without me being the father?

–Spruce St

Overheard by: janine

Wednesday One-Liner Cheney

Guy to friends: She walks like she has a huge dick, that's how she walks!

–Office Building, 34th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Spacedog ears

Drunk guy: So I put my dick in the hard drive.

–10th St & Ave A

Overheard by: guy walking dow street friday

Girl on cell: I can't compete with his dick!

–L Train

Overheard by: fuhggedaboudit

Angry hot girl to friend: Even if he's the biggest swinging dick in the world, so what?

–10th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: jennifer tobias

Angry middle-aged woman to silent husband: I come home, I want some gin and some dick.

–59th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Dave

Wednesday One-Liners: Glug Glug Glug, Ahh!

NYU student to another: I haven't been drinking as much since I turned 21.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Rogelio

College girl to friend: I wasn't drunk, I was just cheerful.

–Canal St & Mott St

20-something girl on cell: He was drunk and fucking his demon ex-girlfriend.

–181 & Ft. Washington

Guy in dirty army clothes to another: I was still drunk, thank god Dunkin' Donuts was open.

–D Train

Middle aged guy on cell: That's what happens when you drink, motherfucker! You can't remember shit!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Aron

There Are Niche Fetishists Who Would Pay Top Dollar for That Footage

Guy #1: I just don't like the look of the outie. And sometimes she rubs it against me, it creeps me out!
Guy #2: Dude, she's fuckin' hot! And you're complaining when she rubs against you?
Guy #1: No, no, no–she's not rubbing against me, she's rubbing the outie against me–big difference! And she's only doing it to creep me out, 'cause she thinks it's funny.

–6 Train