Archive for the ‘Trains Not Subway’ Category

It's the Great Wednesday One-Liner, Charlie Brown

Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts.

–A Train

Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season?

–Halloween Adventure

Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples!

–35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria

Overheard by: kathcom

Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony!

–Downtown 6 Train

Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls.

–Downtown 6 train

Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: J. Ra

Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies.

–Soho

Overheard by: Edan

Wednesday Bites the Big One-Liner

Teen scene girl: And that's a whole fucking different story! You always said you wanted to die having a heart attack in a car!

–57th & 3rd

Overheard by: Duluthian

Guy in line: I haven't had a corn dog since Jim Belushi died.

–Nathan's, Coney Island

Creepy guy on cell: Hey. Did you hear about the Craigslist killer? Yeah, isn't that a great idea?

–Penn Station

20-something irritated man on cell: Dude, stop freaking out! They're probably not going to do the autopsy for another three days.

–8th Ave & 15th St

Conductor: Please, no one cross cars, if the train makes a turn you will fall through, get crushed and die, thank you and have a lovely evening. Oh, and it's lovely to be alive.

–Amtrak Train to Penn Station

Overheard by: Paige

Wednesday One-liners? Makes No Sense

Security Guard: …and so now I have her DNA and I can, like, reproduce her any time I want. –57th & West End Overheard by: Kaitlyn Drunk: Are you going to San Francisco?…Hey, I’ve been there! Why won’t you believe me? Look at this tattoo I got there!…Shut up, bitch! –LIRR Overheard by: marissa Woman: So did you know that cheese has the same chemicals as heroin in it? That’s why people who eat cheese get so addicted to it. –1st Avenue & 4th Street Overheard by: alison

Vanity, Thy Name Is Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: And I was like, "He bleaches his asshole, what does he know about anatomy?"

–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn

Seven-year-old girl to boy throwing mud at her: Watch it, Jakob! I wore eyeliner today!

–Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn

Very large woman on cell: It's called "Brazilian wax job." You only have to do it like every two weeks. Yep, it itches for a day or two, but it's worth every penny.

–PATH

Overheard by: Corey

Young lady with long curly hair to girlfriend: So, I started drying my hair with paper towels recently.

–Montague St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: E-Man>Master of the UNIVERSE!

Outraged feminine gay guy to another: He's having his lips redone… again!

–8th Ave & 20th St, Chelsea

Overheard by: Evan

Woman on cell: Girl, I don't understand why you gotta put on all that makeup just to go for a colonic!

–Washington Heights

McWednesday One-Liners

MTA conductor: This train is going to run express. The next and last stop is McDonald's… I mean Astoria-Ditmars Boulevard.

–W Train

British teenager: They didn't even spell it right, it's "Mac Donald's," not "mc"!

–McDonald's, Bowery & Bayard

Student to class: I ate a McGriddle last week, and it was like eating a baby angel.

–Classroom, NYU

Frantic foreign lady: Is this the train that goes to McDonald's?

–F Subway

Overheard by: laura