Large man #1, watching women delivering flowers: (grumbles)
Large man #2: What? What do you want flowers for?
Large man #1: They might open up, you know, look pretty.
Large man #2: No! You don't get no flowers! You're a man!
–Community Center, East Village
Overheard by: Flower Power
Archive for the ‘Trees and plants’ Category
“It's a Small Wednesday One-Liner After All”
College girl: Yeah, the worst part about Africa was that we, like, didn't go out!
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Noemi
Shabby-looking blue collar mom to distinguished older Indian woman: Ohhh! I have always wanted to go to Bollywood! I love East Africa and Asia! I wanted to buy a bonsai tree, but they are way too expensive.
–5 Train
20-something, looking at Washington arch: There was something like this in France.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: M
Guy on cell: I swear I didn't have sex with her when I was in Norway.
–Lower East Side
If This Conversation Goes on for Much Longer, There Definitely Isn't a God.
Boy, after watching An Inconvenient Truth: Do you believe in god?
Girl: I believe in mother nature.
Boy: You don't believe in god?
Girl: I mean, I do… But I believe this is happening because of nature.
Boy: But you believe in her?
Girl: What?
Boy: Mother nature?
Girl: Mother nature is not like a person… It's just a saying for nature.
Boy: Wait… What? Oh… (pause) I thought she was like a tree or something.
–Regal Cinema, Union Square
Overheard by: Noeman Samdani
And Don't Even Get Me Started on Battery Park
Tourist #1: I didn't see any strawberry bushes.
Tourist #2: Yeah, I don't think I did either.
Tourist #1: False advertising again!
–Strawberry Fields
You Tore It Limb from Limb??
Elegantly dressed woman: I don't remember what happened last night, but I feel like I need to plant a tree or something to make up for it.
Attractive friend: What does that even mean?
Elegantly dressed woman: I don't know.
Attractive friend: I drank so much… I killed a tree?
–A Train
I Had a Long Conversation with One While I Was Shrooming the Other Day
Girl #1: So, like Buddhist worship cows. They feel like they are sacred and don't eat them, or milk them, or nothing…
Girl #2: Aw, shit! For real?
Girl #1: Yeah, most of them are vegetarians. They don't eat anything that's alive, or has a soul, or something… Cause you can be reincarnated into something you can eat.
Girl #2: So what do vegetarians eat?
Girl #1, staring blankly: What?
Girl #2: What do vegetarians eat?
Girl #1: They're vegetarians! (giggles) Fuck! Vegetables! (rolls eyes, then laughs)
Girl #2, looking oddly: But trees are alive.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Brownsugarwater
Tracy Chapman Only Needs One
Girl #1, touching bamboo sculpture: Rose, how do you think they're gonna get this down?
Girl #2: I dunno, untie it?
Girl #1: But I mean… Are they gonna, like, move it to a warehouse or, like, incinerate it? That's super not ecologically sound.
Girl #2: Um…
Girl #1: Fuck! They should just put pandas up here. Like a shit-ton of pandas. One, pandas eat bamboo. B, it would get the job done fast and all that would be left is the rope. Three, the more pandas eat, the stronger they get; the stronger they get, the more they bone, and then they're less endangered. Four, it would be really cute on the news, and… Five? Dude, pandas!
Girl #2: Are you high?
Girl #1: I've just had a Riesen.
–Roof Garden, The Met
I Don't Think We Can Be Friends Anymore
Woman #1: Why are there chives so much better than my chives?
Woman #2: Because they water theirs.
–Farmers Market, Union Square
Wednesday One-Liners and the Law Of the Harvest
Older black woman on cell, screaming: There are no leaves on the floor. No! No fucking leaves on the floor. The fucking leaves are green and still in the trees. Did you hear me?
–7th Ave & W 18th
Ghetto Spanish chick on cell: Oh my god, you got your tree? A pink tree!? Say, word… I'ma come by after work to see your pink tree. I never seen a pink tree before! Is it real?
–4 Train
Overheard by: DCBX
Sad 13-year-old to friend, in total seriousness: Right now… Here in social studies… My FarmVille crops are dying!
–Middle school, Coney Island
Blonde hipster to blonder hipster: So I told her, "you can take everything, but at least leave me the front lawn."
–Gramercy
All Couples Eventually Become Lesbian Couples, Anyway
Girl #1: Man, I am so excited to just move.
Boy: When you move in with me, can we get a Chia pet?
Girl #2: Oh, girl, watch out. You get a Chia pet and it's a slippery slope. Next thing you know, you and Cliff will be wearing cat sweatshirts and writing fan fiction.
Boy: That's gonna happen in secret.
Girl #1: Whatever, bitch, we're gonna grow herbs.
–The Met