Archive for the ‘Trees and plants’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners and the Law Of the Harvest

Older black woman on cell, screaming: There are no leaves on the floor. No! No fucking leaves on the floor. The fucking leaves are green and still in the trees. Did you hear me?

–7th Ave & W 18th

Ghetto Spanish chick on cell: Oh my god, you got your tree? A pink tree!? Say, word… I'ma come by after work to see your pink tree. I never seen a pink tree before! Is it real?

–4 Train

Overheard by: DCBX

Sad 13-year-old to friend, in total seriousness: Right now… Here in social studies… My FarmVille crops are dying!

–Middle school, Coney Island

Blonde hipster to blonder hipster: So I told her, "you can take everything, but at least leave me the front lawn."

–Gramercy

All Couples Eventually Become Lesbian Couples, Anyway

Girl #1: Man, I am so excited to just move.
Boy: When you move in with me, can we get a Chia pet?
Girl #2: Oh, girl, watch out. You get a Chia pet and it's a slippery slope. Next thing you know, you and Cliff will be wearing cat sweatshirts and writing fan fiction.
Boy: That's gonna happen in secret.
Girl #1: Whatever, bitch, we're gonna grow herbs.

–The Met

WedNRAsday One-Liners

Man in bar, with the air of explaining a very simple concept: We need to shoot every fucking robber in the head, right? Then there would be no robbers.

–Midtown

Mom to son picking leaves off a potted plant: You better stop doing that or else they'll shoot you.

–Roosevelt Island Golf Center

Overheard by: erak

40-something female suit: I'm looking for a particular kind of venom for my blow-gun darts.

–The High Line

60-something woman to two admiring 30-something women: My body no longer produces estrogen and I carry a gun in my purse… Who's going to mess with me?

–Prince & Sullivan

Plant a Wednesday, Harvest One-Liners

Girl holding orchid: Orchids are the thinking man's rose.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Samantha

Hipster girl to hipster guy: I'm telling you, these trees smell like semen.

–10th St b/w 1st & Ave A

Overheard by: Libby

Disheveled hobo to granola-looking lady with khaki shorts, matching hat, and three-foot braided ponytail: You goin' on a nature walk, baby? I'd like to take a hike with you and make sweet love beside a pine tree.

–89th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jesse Cromer

20-something hipster: He face-planted into my potted plant, and then later he pissed himself.

–Gowanus Yacht Club, Brooklyn

Overheard by: big bad don

Wednesday One-Liners Could Be Prime Real Estate

Male hipster: I was all excited for Central Park, you know, and then I remembered: I've seen trees before.

–Central Park

Tourist, looking at souvenir photos of Central Park: You never realize how… central it is.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Xanthias

Tourist, looking down at map: Wait a second, guys, I can't find Central Park.

–Penn Station

Overdressed, overly made-up girl: The thing I don't like about Central Park is that it's too much like a forest.

–Central Park