Archive for the ‘Trees and plants’ Category

How Much Is That Wednesday One-Liner in the Window?

50-something Long Island woman, showing pictures of her dog while talking non-stop about it: And this is Cici wearing a hat, she usually wears a hat when she goes out. And this is Cici, very drunk… –LIRR Overheard by: Adam Nathan Guy on cell walking a tiny poodle: Dude! The dog did it again. (pause) No, I swear, dude. The. Dog. Did. It. Again. (pause) Dude! This dog talks. Talks. –Broadway & 43rd St, Astoria (little girl finishes petting a stranger's dog)
Girl's mother: Now say "thank you" to its human. –Central Park Lawn Hyper tween schoolgirl: Hey mom, remember when we brought the dog to the mall and he peed in a coconut? –La Pallette, 12th St Guy to friend: I love her more than anything, but something about the way her puppy's paws smell really seal it. –Rosa's Pizza, Penn Station Overheard by: Craig

To Be Fair, the Elderly Man Wasn't Wearing Pants Either

Five-year-old girl pissing behind tree to mother trying to talk to elderly man with dog: Look mommy! Look! I'm making a pee-pee behind the tree.
Mother: Yes, sweetie, that's very nice. (returns to conversation with man)
Girl: Mommy! I'm still peeing! I'm still peeing!
Mother: Uh-huh. Well, pull your pants up when you're done.
Girl: Mommy, there's a squirrel! Hi, squirrel!
Old man: Careful! They have rabies and they'll eat you!
Girl, running towards mother with no pants: Aaaaaah! –Riverside Park

Wednesday One-Liners Flunk the Oral

Guy on cell, screaming : Did you or did you not give that guy a blowjob in the parking lot? –3rd Ave & 10th St Overheard by: JC Hot girl talking to hot friend: He said blowjobs are like flowers for guys. Do I get flowers everyday? No! So why should he, right? –C Train Screaming bag lady: He asked me to suck his dick. I don't suck dick, I'm homeless. –125th St Overheard by: Reilly Guy on cell: How's her gag reflex? Because that's a great way to make up for stupid. –5th & 83rd Overheard by: Kelly Guy to another: Greg, do you want your cock sucked tonight? Then get in the car! (other guy hastily gets in car) –The Village

I Had a Long Conversation with One While I Was Shrooming the Other Day

Girl #1: So, like Buddhist worship cows. They feel like they are sacred and don't eat them, or milk them, or nothing…
Girl #2: Aw, shit! For real?
Girl #1: Yeah, most of them are vegetarians. They don't eat anything that's alive, or has a soul, or something… Cause you can be reincarnated into something you can eat.
Girl #2: So what do vegetarians eat?
Girl #1, staring blankly: What?
Girl #2: What do vegetarians eat?
Girl #1: They're vegetarians! (giggles) Fuck! Vegetables! (rolls eyes, then laughs)
Girl #2, looking oddly: But trees are alive. –Times Square Overheard by: Brownsugarwater

Tracy Chapman Only Needs One

Girl #1, touching bamboo sculpture: Rose, how do you think they're gonna get this down?
Girl #2: I dunno, untie it?
Girl #1: But I mean… Are they gonna, like, move it to a warehouse or, like, incinerate it? That's super not ecologically sound.
Girl #2: Um…
Girl #1: Fuck! They should just put pandas up here. Like a shit-ton of pandas. One, pandas eat bamboo. B, it would get the job done fast and all that would be left is the rope. Three, the more pandas eat, the stronger they get; the stronger they get, the more they bone, and then they're less endangered. Four, it would be really cute on the news, and… Five? Dude, pandas!
Girl #2: Are you high?
Girl #1: I've just had a Riesen. –Roof Garden, The Met