Archive for the ‘Turtle Bay’ Category

Feminism Didn’t Die, It’s Living Comfortably as a Stay-at-Home Mom in White Plains

Girl #1: I am like, totally addicted to Days of our Lives.
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah, but I am so fucked up, because this one character totally got fired and they put another guy in his place. I can’t even watch him, because, you know, he’s not the same guy.
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah, it’s really fucked up my TV viewing schedule. I mean, what am I going to watch, one of the judge shows?
Girl #2: Well, you could go to class or study instead….
Girl #1: I don’t need to. I’m studying to be a second wife. That girl’s shoes are so cute. They would match my bag. Excuse me, where’d you get those shoes?
Girl #3: My husband.
Girl #1: See, class dismissed.

–53rd St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Kimbers614

Regular Wednesday One-Liners

Woman: …Then they gave him enemas until it ran clear. Now he hasn’t had a movement in three days. Should I be worried?

–Subway

Suit: Yeah, I just left a floater in the upstairs bathroom.

–44th & 3rd

Ambiguously gay actor: Flowers come out. Girls do not poop, ever. Ever!

–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU

Overheard by: a girl who poops

Freshman chick: I am so not in the mood to take a shit right now.

–Restroom, Hunter College

Cherubic blonde chick to another: You know that ‘BM’ means poop, right?

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Suit-in-training: Oh, yeah, I do have to take a shit — I forgot.

–NYU Stern Building

Guy waiting for stall: Let’s go gang, push it out! We gotta go out here!

–Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: KeeZ

Girl: That “I’m Really Catholic” Ploy Works Every Time

Dude #1: Did you go home with that girl last night?
Dude #2: Yeah, I was up all night. She was like a fucking porn star — stuck her finger in my ass!
Dude #1: Porn star? That girl had a face fit for radio! And she told me that she was really Catholic!
Dude #2: I told her I’ve only been with two girls, and then I tried to stick it in her ass!
Dude #1: You are a real scumbag!

–36th & 3rd

Overheard by: Peter Persico