Archive for the ‘TV’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Blame Their Mothers

CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies. –Hallway, CCNY Overheard by: ladyliver Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on. –1250 Broadway Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed… –Smoke Shop, Park Slope Overheard by: Kiri Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy. –Good Stuff Diner, 14th St Overheard by: Kosi Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn. –Port Authority Overheard by: Sarah History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental. –Bronx High School of Science Overheard by: Lillian

New York’s Only Republican

Woman: Did you just watch the Presidential debate?
Man: Yes, we did.
Woman: Are you Kerry supporters?
Man: No, of course not. Kerry is the worst presidential candidate in the last 50 years and he would be the worst president ever.
Woman: Oh, do you want to come to Good Morning America tomorrow and stand outside, waving Kerry signs?
Man: I was being entirely serious. I hate Kerry. The woman looks at him, unbelieving, and walks away in silence. –Outside the San Marcos bar, East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Still Can’t Get Over Joey Picking Pacey (That Dumb Bitch)

Girl on cell: We got Chinese cable because it was cheaper than the cheap cable…Yeah, it’s all in Chinese…Whatever. As long as I watch things that I’ve already seen, I don’t need to actually know what they’re saying. –N train, Astoria Queer, on cell: Have you seen Victoria’s boyfriend lately? He looks great. She’s better than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. –Eckerd, Astoria Mother, to kids: Sorry we just missed the fireworks, guys. It’s okay, though. I TiVoed it at home just in case. –79th St entrance, FDR Tourist, after eagerly struggling for camera air-time: You know what, Ma, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to watch this — it only airs today. –Taping of the Today Show, Rockefeller Center Overheard by: Stephen and Allison Girl: Well, today they had a woman who was born a man who married a man who was born a woman, so don’t shit on Maury Povich! –New York Public Library Overheard by: Actually READING at the Library Guy: Sweet Sixteen? That show makes me understand terrorism. –114th & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners for Celebretards

Young black guy to another: You know, Obama is to politics what Richard Simmons is to exercise. –PATH Train Guy standing outside bar: And she was like, "What, like Gary Coleman?" and I'm like, "No, not like fucking Gary Coleman!" –4th & 10th Girl to boyfriend: Well, Tom Green only had one testicle. It's totally fine. –E 11th St Overheard by: j Suit on cell: And I was like, "Fuck you, Ryan Cabrera"! –Bedford & 6th St Black girl on cell: I told you, we're like the Paris Hiltons of Liberia. –Borders, Wall St Overheard by: step Guy (after taking picture with Jeremy Piven): Damn! I can't put this on MySpace. I'm wearing the same shirt I wore when I met Chazz Palminteri! –Outside Barrymore Theatre Overheard by: Pasta…Salad

After She Retired from Cosby, Stills, and Nash

Middle aged woman #1: I saw that woman of The Cosby Show near Wall Street yesterday.
Middle aged woman #2: Wow, you did not! Which one?
Middle aged woman #1: Whoopi Goldberg–the one that was married to Bill Cosby in the show!
Middle aged woman #2: Oh yeah, I remember her. I think she changed her name to Whoopi Cosby now. –A Train Overheard by: Dora Olafsson

Wednesday One-Liners Keep Their Eyes Peeled for Movie Stars

Tourist backpacker with hands on subway doors: Do these open on their own? –1 Train Tourist mom to uncool son: Well, that's what you get for trying to be a hipster! –Union Square Park Overheard by: j Tourist: Holy moly, look at that Olive Garden! It's huge! I wish I lived here!
(takes a picture of the restaurant) –Times Square Obese Midwestern woman to obese Midwestern man: Oooh, Applebee's… Now I feel at home here! –Times Square Southern tourist guy: I thought people in Greenwich Village would look stranger. –Bleecker Street Tourist from west coast, after observing the locals for a few innings: You know, Seinfeld makes so much more sense to me now. –Cheap Seats, Coney Island Cyclones Overheard by: Kevin Eliasen