Daughter: You’re always humming that McDonalds song.
Mother: Huh?
Daughter: You know…”da da da da da I’m loooovin’ it.”
Mother: No, honey. Goldfinger. *Ba ra ba rum*
Daughter: Oh.
–Central Park
Archive for the ‘TV’ Category
Punchlines without Straightlines
Very Straight Guy: Hey, it’s not like I’m giving Ellen DeGeneres a claddagh ring! –Jeremy’s Ale House Overheard by: Megan Buckley
Wednesday One-Liners Have at Least One Marketable Skill
Pragmatist: I figure if I don’t get a job in publishing, I’ll become a video vixen.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Ditmars Blvd, Astoria
Overheard by: Christine
Skank: No way! I am not one of those girls. I am not a video girl…I am a dancer!
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Skye
Ditz: Supposably [sic], she’s going to be dancing in some Beyonce video. She’s so stupid.
–54th St between 9th & 10th
Media scholar: Well it’s different when the girl getting fucked in the video is the same age as you. I mean, that’s great when you’re 15.
–20th & 8th
Saviors: Gotta Catch 'em All!
Teen boy #1: You should be a Pokemon for Halloween.
Teen boy #2: Like Jesus?
–Chambers St.
A+
African American single mother: And what do they say on Maury?
Three-year old daughter: You are not the father.
–Metro-North Rail
Overheard by: Darby
He Rarely Wears a Turban, Babe
Scene girl: Can I call the cab this time?
Stoner boyfriend: No.
Scene girl: Why not?
Stoner boyfriend: Because every time you do, you get in and scream “is this Cash Cab?!” Bitch, you're never gonna meet Ben Bailey.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: HerDreamsWereCrushed
If You Build That, Men Will Come, Honey
30-something woman with shopping bags: I've decided the theme for my new apartment is “ah!” you know?
Legging-wearing friend: Yeah! How are you going to decorate?
30-something woman with shopping bags: I'm thinking very minimalist, you know, very simple. I'm getting two flat-screen TVs.
–Union Station
Overheard by: Aidan
Speaking Of People Who'd Never Eat Cake
Passenger #1: It's like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too.
Passenger #2: I don't get that. I mean, if I bought the cake, why wouldn't I eat it?
Passenger #1: That's not the point, if you eat the cake it's not there anymore. Get it?
Passenger #2: Then why did I buy the cake in the first place?
(15 minutes later)
Passenger #2: But what about the cake?
Passenger #1: So did you watch The Hills last night?
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Dr.C
Besides, Hasn't Miley Exposed Herself Enough?
Teen girl #1: I feel like I need to expose you to some culture. Have you heard the latest Miley Cyrus?
Teen girl #2: That's not the kind of culture I want to be exposed to.
–R Train
Wednesday One-Liners Mostly Just Stand Around
Security guard: Oh, man, thank god for anti-depressants and alcohol! Nothing like Jack Daniels to get you through the day.
–The Met
Building security guard to mailman: Don't you think tv saved the world? Say you've got 10, 12, 14, 16 kids . . .
–William & Beekman
NYU security guard to long line of kids: A'ight kids, e-z passes out. Put your IDs in the air and wave them like you just don't care!
–College of Arts and Science, Washington Square Park
Security man: No photos in Tim Burton! No pictures, no photos! Tell a friend, tell a neighbor, tell someone you don't like!
–Tim Burton Exhibit, MoMA
Security guard: Have a nice day… Now get the hell out of here.
–JFK Airport