Tween: Mom, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking.
Mother: What are you?
Tween, starting to sob: Stupid.
Mother: What kind of stupid?
Tween: Ten flavors of stupid.
Mom: And don't you fucking forget it!
–Battery Park City
Archive for the ‘Tweens’ Category
…But He's My Son.
20-year-old female host: Can I help you with something?
12-year-old boy, staring at her: I just want to admire your body.
20-year-old female host: Excuse me?
12-year-old boy: You have a great body.
20-year-old female host: Ummmm, thanks…
12-year-old boy's friend: If I were you I'd leave, he's creepy.
20-year-old female host: I wish I could.
–Restaurant, Times Square
Wednesday One-Liners Make Your Eyes Water
Young man to another: And I was like, "No, man. A girl ain't supposed to smell like that, yo."
–Broadway & 37th St
Overheard by: glm
Loud Long Island woman to drunk friends: Yeah, I got really used to that smell once he came back from Nepal…
–LIRR
Guy to girl: I don't want to bring home a girl who smells like urine.
–36th & 5th
Hipster 20-something to preteen sister: This does not smell like Costa Rica! (pauses, as though to make sure) 14th Street in New York City does not smell like Costa Rica!
–14th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: David
Man complaining to friend: If she does that one more time… I mean, if that bitch comes home one more time with her breath smelling like some other guy's dick, I swear to fucking god… I'll leave her.
–Times Square
Overheard by: drekdude
Then They Make Me Dance on a Pole As Punishment
Tween girl #1: My nickname with my parents is “buns”.
Tween girl #2: Everyone in my family calls me “hottie”. But when I get in trouble, I get called by my full name.
–5th Ave & 57th St
Overheard by: Bemused
For the Last Time, the Hamburger Helper Does Not Count
Hoochie hispanic preteen #1: I can't fit into Victoria's Secret.
Hoochie hispanic preteen #2: Oh please, even my mom fits into Victoria's Secret, and she has three hands.
Hoochie hispanic preteen #1: Mmm-hmm. (shakes head approvingly)
–Staten Island
Overheard by: I'm sorry it was hard not to hear
Psh, Like Wendy's Is Kosher
Cashier: What would you like to order?
Tween: A cheeseburger.
Cashier: Do you want cheese on that cheeseburger?
–Wendy's
Overheard by: Chelsea
Though My Hindsight Is 20/20
Preteen girl #1, seeing friend take out glasses case: Oh my god, you wear glasses?
Preteen girl #2: Yeah, I have really bad foresight.
–Columbus Cricle
I'm Going Girlier This Season
Tween girl #1: So yeah, then we played chicken at the skate park.
Tween girl #2: That sounds really painful.
Tween girl #1: You know, it really was!
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Wincingprep
Hamas: Finally, Someone Gets It
12-year-old boy #1: Why do they call them African Americans?
12-year-old boy #2: Because they're from Africa, but they live in America.
12-year-old boy #1: But they don't call me a Macedonian American! They don't call you a… What are you again?
12-year-old boy #2: I'm Israeli.
12-year-old boy #1: Yeah, well, that doesn't count. “Israeli” is not a country.
–M79 Bus
He Also Thinks The Clap Is a Device That Turns Your Lights on and Off
Preteen emo boy #1: What's “gonorrhea”?
Preteen emo boy #2: An STD.
Preteen emo boy #1: Seriously? I thought it was a species of fish!
–Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum