Archive for the ‘Union Square and East Village’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Go Looking for a Vein

Girl #1 to girl #2: Wouldn't you just rather have a night where we just get really high and scissor?

–Grand & Union, Brooklyn

Guy on cell: So they're smoking crack and fucking on his mother's bed!

–17th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Dave

Little kid: Look, I'm on crack!

–Apple Store, Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: Robert

Junkie to junkie companion, standing in front of Band-Aids: I need to test positive for methadone and negative for everything else…

–Walgreens, Union Square

Hobo on train: Does anyone have any money for me? Any food? Any opium? Lots and lots of opium?

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: left my opium stash at home

20-something blond girl on cell: You just have to convince them that you care more about college than you do about drugs, and they'll give you another chance…that's what I did!

–Chinatown Bus

Overheard by: GavinJoyce

Tourist: So I called her up and said, "Come down or you're going to miss breakfast, and I want to have breakfast with you." And all she said was, "I really like opium." and I was like, "Oh, okay."

–33rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Please Remain on the Line. Your Wednesday One-Liner Is Important to Us.

Usher: I will tell you once again: do not use your cell phone! I know how to wrestle!

–Theatre

Man: What kind of faggot has a 551 number?

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: a friend of mine does

Drunk Long Island girl: I don't know! I guess my phone was on lock or unlock or whatever, but my boobs must have called you!

–W 10th St

Overheard by: max

Blonde NYU ditz, looking at BlackBerry: Wait… what area code is 718? That's like really far away, right?

–Sullivan & Bleecker

Overheard by: i actually laughed at her

Conductor: This is the train to Ronkonkoma, also known as "ko, hip hip hey and away we go." When using cell phones, please, keep it quiet, 'cause no one really wants to know what you're talkin' about.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Goober

What Would Anti-Semites Do without Wednesday One-Liners?

Modern orthodox girl: … And I was like, ‘Why should I be considerate? He doesn’t even keep kosher!’

–Barnard College

Overheard by: Considerate of non-shellfish eaters and shellfish eaters alike

Guy on cell: Well, I’m only Jewish by injection…

–82nd & Madison

Overheard by: I’m only Catholic because I took a pill…

Woman: I think I’m just too Jewish for yoga.

–Park Slope

20-ish girl on cell: I mean, Jesus Christ! The Jews in the RV just won’t leave me alone!

–St. Mark’s & Ave B

Overheard by: Also accosted by the mitzvah tank

Man on cell: How did I pull off that deal? I’m a Jew, and that means I have powers over money that a dumb goyim like you can only dream of. It’s like Jewish superhero powers. Just call me ‘Super Jew.’

–Near Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Lesbian Whisperer

Little boy: Uhhh, half New Yorkish and, uhhh, half Jewish — is that what I am, Mom? Half New Yorkish and half Jewish?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Rosie