Gangster into cell: Hold your hand up like a antenna, and maybe your budget-ass phone would work. –E 5th & 2nd Ave
White guy: So, do you have any plans for this evening?
Asian girl: Yeah, being angry!
White guy: Oh, that sounds good. –Houston & 1st Overheard by: Kristin
Girl #1: Some of the things you say are really mean.
Girl #2: Some of the things you do are really annoying.
Girl #1: Touche.
–13th & 2nd
Overheard by: Alexandra
Man on cell: It's a swollen, pus-filled sebaceous cyst…
–Nathan's, West 32nd St
Overheard by: SuzeV
Chick leaving Duane Reade (exposing armpit): Air it out baby, air it out!
–Duane Reade, 14th & 1st
Overheard by: Lillian
Guy to friends: I'm just gonna rub my shit all over her face. All over!
–96th and Broadway
Fat girl on cell: Oh my god, seriously. My mom is *so* nasty whenever we go out to eat somewhere. I'm not kidding. Like, she is *never* happy where we get seated, and she's like, "This silverware is smudgy! This glass has grit in it! The lighting is awful! The tectonic plates of this location are shifting, I demand a patio table!" I try to be as nice as I can to the wait staff to make up for her. Seriously. I've seen waiting. Please don't shave your asscrack hair into my food because my mom was a douchenozzle.
–jet blue terminal, jfk
Overheard by: now questioning my pizza ingredients
Girl on cell: Yeah, you pretty much have the same body functions when you're dead as when you're alive. It's gross, but I love it.
–Mercer b/w 3rd & 4th
Overheard by: Threw up in my mouth a little bit
50-something beefy man in wife beater on cell: Yo! I've got a bag of condoms and Jolly Ranchers!
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Funky Monkey
Preppy girl to friend on phone: I mean… I've had to take Plan B twice this week already!
–2nd Ave & 9th
Drunken street vendor: Buy these Obama condoms! Flavored with hope, they'll get you through "hard" times!
Woman on cell: I got home to take a shower and he stuffs a bunch of condoms in his pocket right in front of me and then walks out the door. I mean what the hell is that?
Man to woman on escalator: Well, just next time, remember to use protection!
–Babies"R"Us, Union Square
Overheard by: miziz
Matt Dillon: This theatre has awful feng shui. –Union Square Regal Cinemas
Guy: I only go down if there's reciprocity.
Girl: Oh, you and your rules.
Girl #1: So this is the man you want to marry?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: And you said there were how many maggots on the turkey? –3rd & B
Four-year-old boy: I have gun! Gun, gun, gun, gun, gun!
–Gate, Newark Airport
Overheard by: minkey
Man on phone: Yo! The last time I saw that nigga I shot at that nigga!
–43rd & 7th
Overheard by: Alex
Guy with facial piercings: My mom’s such a bitch. She’s like, ‘I don’t want any guns or drugs in the house!’ and I was like, ‘Fuck you, Mom!’
Woman on cell: Kings County is the best hospital to go to if you get shot in New York.
–14th & Union Square
Overheard by: Mole
Thug kid to thug friends: I don’t do shootings. And besides, this is my stop.
–7 train, Queens
Overheard by: Mrs. LeClair
Man: With this many books you are almost certain to make a mistake in your choice. –The Strand Overheard by: Jill A.