Teen girl: If you want to lose weight, watch a lot of porn. I'm serious, if you watch porn, you won't have to eat for hours. Oh, and masturbating burns a lot of calories, too.
Very upset drunk hobo, after conductor announces last stop: Your kickin' all these people out to wait for the next train, just so you can jerk off?
–Bowling Green Station
Street dancer: Everyone on earth was born as a result of an orgasm. Everyone masturbates. And if they say they don't, they're lying. Even the Pope masturbates!
Irish dude, throwing tea to the ground: It's not right, man! Asshole masturbated in my tea!
Teen thug: I wanna pleasure myself while writing an essay, what's the problem with that?
Overheard by: Robert G.