Archive for the ‘Upper East Side’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Sound Kinda Non-U

Student: Yeah, someone who plays the cello is a cellist, someone who makes art is an artist, and someone who writes poetry is a poist.

–Hunter College High School

Heavily accented Asian cashier to heavily accented Asian coworker: What!? Speaka English, por favor.

–J2 Deli, W 18th St

Overheard by: nick m

Bimbo looking at scoreboard: I think the "e" stands for "exqualifications" You know, for when a player is "exqualified".

–Yankees Stadium

Lady: I know what I am, he ain't gonna labelize me.

–Washington Square Park

Real estate agent: And all the doormen and service staff are Easter European.

–Park Avenue

Overheard by: Looking for an apartment

Ghetto college girl: I'll talk to you later, I gots to get my learn on, girl.

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Corey

Silly Rabbit, Wednesday One-Liners Are for Kids

Excited little girl to friend: Hey! Wanna see my room? It's really cool! I got a bed!

–Whole Foods, Tribeca

Three-year-old girl, excitedly pointing at picture on store front: Look mommy, it's Buddha! It's Buddha!

–Ave B b/w 3rd & 4th

Overheard by: EVgirl

Young girl to father: Only 1,486 days until I'm 18 and then I can do whatever the heck I want.

–E 78th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Brandon F

4-year-old girl to father trying to board overcrowded train: Jesus, we should have taken the bus! I told you we should have taken the bus.

–Uptown 4 Train

Overheard by: kdice

Five-year-old son to father who just dropped BlackBerry: What the hell just happened here?

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Four-year-old girl: I'mma hustla! I'mma, I'mma hustla!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Nina

A Wednesday for Breakfast, a One-Liner for Lunch, and a Sensible Dinner

Dancer girl: I dunno, I mean, like, I wish they made a size like, triple zero, so I would have something to look forward to, y’know?

–Central Park

Man: Yeah, that’s how you gain weight: a backed-up colon. I cleaned mine out this weekend.

–B54 Bus

Overheard by: Alma Molato

Old woman, very loudly, in the middle of the movie: Boy, is she skinny!

–Movie theater, 86th Street b/w 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: The New York Crank

Girl on cell: If bitch can’t afford to buy her own groceries, she can just get skinny!

–Green Village Used Clothing, Bushwick

Anorexic fashionista: Any self-respecting anorexic knows that!

–Lincoln Center, 62nd & 9th

Man on cell: You went to a party last night? Well, that means you have to do three hours tomorrow. And I want you to drink lots of water, but none of that crystal light crap. That is seven calories that you do not need.

–Blockbuster, Broadway

Still Taking Adolessons

Bimbette #1: I don’t want to grow up. The real world is scary.
Bimbette #2: Yeah… Puberty sucks.
Bimbette #1: Ummm, I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure puberty is done when you’re, like, fifteen. We’re 18 now…
Bimbette #2: Oh. Well, maybe I’m a late bloomer.

–UES

Overheard by: Allie