Archive for the ‘Upper East Side’ Category

Son Of a Wednesday One-Liner Man

Evangelist outside gym: You want to be a macho man? Look at Jesus! –Broadway & Prince Street evangelist on microphone: Y'all ever see two female pigeons in bed together? –Fordham Plaza Very agitated priest: Jesus was a zygote once–what if Mary aborted him? –St. Luke's Church, Whitestone Crazy subway evangelist: If god could make me a good crackhead, you best believe he could make me a good preacher. –E Train Overheard by: Giggling at crack Preacher: And that's why your religion is null and void. –Union Square Overheard by: Alfie

Hillary Knows How To Host a Re-election Party

Girl #1: Remember at that party when that stripper picked up a dollar bill with her pussy lips?
Girl #2: Ohhh, yeah — that wasn’t a stripper. That was a full-on whore. –77th & 1st Overheard by: mjg Headline by: clink Runners-Up:
· “… and It Wasn’t a Dollar Bill. That Was a Full-on Penis” – Caro
· “America DOES Have Talent” – Staci Lynn
· “Because I Saw That Thing Give Change” – nicky c.
· “But We Call Her Aunt Gladys” – Mark Paul
· “I Was Just Shocked She Did It through Her Jeans.” – SAtCW
· “Kind Of Like the Difference Between Maury Povich and Springer” – alana landa
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Take Up Hobbies

Middle-aged woman: I really never cared for skiing, but I was so alone in my marriage, I found it was a great way to meet men. –Burritoville, 77th & 2nd Meathead #1, to meathead #2: Hey! Want to go to a ballroom club? –47th & Madison Guy, to passersby: Game of chess? Play chess? Chess?…Also got chronic. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Phil

Wednesdays Make You Want to Have One-Liners of Your Own

Little white boy to frustrated black nanny who is trying to hail a cab: My daddy always gets a taxi! –Houston & Broadway Overheard by: Dan Little boy: This place is like a dead zoo. –American Museum of Natural History Four-year-old boy: Yo, this sofa is mad comfy! –Used Furniture Store, Staten Island Four-year-old boy: That’s enough, I’m calling Interpol! –A Train Overheard by: Swarles Little girl to mom after terrible Skyride attraction: Mommy, can we never do this again?
(random guy behind her starts laughing) Stop it! Stop laughing at me! –Empire State Building Overheard by: Claire Eight-year-old boy: This museum is inappropriate. –The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Greek & Roman Sculpture Wing Overheard by: Taylor

The Island of Dr. Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleeding? [unintelligible reply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [reply] We have to find a way to separate the cows from the sheep. –Elevator, 56th & 8th Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a llama! Another cocktail and a llama! –Terminal 5 Dude: So you’re enjoying acting, LA, monogamy, horses? –Cafe Esperanto Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not doing shots out of that alligator! –TriBeCa Overheard by: lalala Swanky pin-stripe suit on cellphone: The little shit will definitely get approved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox. –51st & 3rd Overheard by: IG Young black dude: You know the movie The Lion King? Yeah The Lion King! …You know, the one with all the tigers. –4 Train Overheard by: BQM lady Man: Manatees are the most peaceful creatures in the world… They get hit by motor boats! –Astor Place

Wednesday Flatliners

Dude on cell: Alright, listen up. If the guy gets up and walks away, he's not dead. If you come back and he's still lying there, he's dead, you follow? So, in that situation you are just going to go through the motions like we discussed. –23th & 7th Overheard by: mel Random man on bicycle to doorman: You never know when you're going to eat a bad mushroom and die. –87th St & York Ave Overheard by: Critter Jersey woman, looking at a case with brains that suffered from major stroke: Oh my gawd… They probably died from that! –Bodies The Exhibition, South St Seaport Guy shopping in art supply on a cell: So you're banking on dying young, then? –Art Store, Williamsburg Spacey old guy to friends, calmly: I want to murder that guy. (even more calmly) I've got bloodlust in my heart. –9th St b/w 1st & 2nd Overheard by: JKW Woman on cell: You want to be cremated, right? (pause) Well, then what the hell are we going to do with you? –Park Ave