Woman: Having sex with him was the same as eating a slice of plain Wonder bread while looking in the window of a Crate and Barrel. –York & 70th
Archive for the ‘Upper East Side’ Category
Another Dot-com Victim
Into an unplugged phone, a hobo yells: Honey, honey, I told you not to call me in the office! –LES
Not Even Bong Barbie?
Hipster chick: Ugh, dolls. Dolls are so creepy. I’m never letting my kid have a doll. Drugs, yes. Dolls, no. –UES
Or a blind Venetian, more likely
Woman: He’s so horny he’d fuck a venetian blind. –Starbucks, UES
…or a Metrocard
Girl: The party is out in Brooklyn? Are you kidding me? I swear you need a passport to get out there. –UES
Why? Your Rent’s the Same…
Hobo: I never should have left Kansas City. –85th between 2nd & 3rd
It Depends On What Your Definition of “Ugly” Is
Woman #1: I’m ready for ugly, if it keeps me warm in bed.
Woman #2: I don’t know about that.
–UES
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
No, We Really Don’t
Chick: You know how you wanted to call him up and say it’s not personal, you just want to be friends? Don’t. They need to be told. They don’t know that they’re idiots. –Our Place, 3rd Avenue
“…I kicked my Mom in the testicles from the womb!”
Dude #1: I’m gonna stand up as I turn. I’d like you to kick me in the nuts. The idea is to black out, end up in the hospital, and push this off on someone else. Ready?
Dude #2: I was born ready.
–59th & Park
“…Now Write Something Nice About My Balls”
Peppy Latina: I'm gonna read you a love letter.
Bored girl: Whatever.
Peppy Latina: Henry the VIII to Anne Boleyn…
Bored girl: Whatever, he beheaded her.
Peppy Latina: Man, why you gotta harsh it?
Bored girl: Dude, have you read James Joyce's letters to his wife? Those are disgusting!
Peppy Latina: Disgusting like sappy? Cute? Awful?
Bored girl: No, disgusting like “I can't wait until I'm back in Ireland smelling your v-j-j” disgusting.
–82nd & 5th