Guy to friends: She walks like she has a huge dick, that's how she walks!
–Office Building, 34th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Spacedog ears
Drunk guy: So I put my dick in the hard drive.
–10th St & Ave A
Overheard by: guy walking dow street friday
Girl on cell: I can't compete with his dick!
–L Train
Overheard by: fuhggedaboudit
Angry hot girl to friend: Even if he's the biggest swinging dick in the world, so what?
–10th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: jennifer tobias
Angry middle-aged woman to silent husband: I come home, I want some gin and some dick.
–59th St & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: Dave
Archive for the ‘Upper East Side’ Category
How Would You Feel If Someone Said You Were from the Upper West Side?
Preppy guy: She's half Mexican. Her father is from Spain.
Preppy girl: Wouldn't that make her half Spanish, not Mexican?
Preppy guy: What is the difference?
–83rd St & 2nd Ave
And “Analyst” Is, Like, a Gay Thing– Right?
Girl #1: I can't believe I'm looking at apartments on Lexington Avenue… It's not like I'm going to be, like, an equity analyst at UBS.
Girl #2: Or, like, Bain.
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: I don't even know what those words mean.
Girl #1: What, “equity analyst”?
Girl #2: Well, “equity.”
Girl #1: Equity is just money.
Girl #2: Oh, well, I know what that is.
–59th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Chris
Wednesday One-Liners Find Nemo
Woman on cell: Number one: I'll tell you what you can do with that fish. You can shove it right up your ass! (pause) Number two: You know what you can do with that fish? You can shove it right up your ass!
–Steps, The Met
Overheard by: gossipgirlish
Boy to mother: Mama, can we surprise grandpa with a catfish?
–Central Park East
Overheard by: walter
Woman reading map: No dead fish in Nebraska.
–D Train
Overheard by: Sunny
Girl to guy friend at hip hop show: That chick just sprayed her coochie with perfume. Now it smells like a fish died and the other fish sent flowers.
–Voodoo Lounge, 1st Ave
Please, Sir, May I Have More?
Bartender to 20-something man: What's your name? I'll start a tab.
20-something man: Oliver.
Old man at bar: Oliver Twist… People ever call you Oliver Twist? (laughs)
20-something man: Old people always do. Newer people don't.
–Pizzaria, 86th & 3rd
Overheard by: kat
If Pinocchio Had Been Set in New York City
(cricket chirps)
Angry-looking woman #1: Yo, I think that cricket said somethin'
(cricket chirps)
Angry-looking woman #2: Hold on, I think that bitch is sayin' some shit!
Angry-looking woman #1, looking for cricket: You wanna start somethin? Nobody be talking shit about me.
Angry-looking woman #2: Let's fuck this bitch up.
–Roosevelt Island
The Anal Rape You Can Still Be Upset About– Deal?
Crazy guy running up to random student: I go to this guy for those peanuts they sell on the side of the street, I say “how much?” He tells me $1.50, so I start walking away, and he says one dollar. I went to state pen for ten years, and this is how I get treated?
Student: It's just peanuts man, you gotta let it go.
–59th St & Lexington
Are You Being Vulgar, Sir?
Girl, giving food to hobo: Hey, do you want this?
Hobo: Yeah, thanks! Wait, does it have shellfish in it?
–16th St & 3rd Ave
I Moved to New York So I Could Get Drunk and Get on the Train
Guy to girl: Yeah, the reason I never wanted to drive drunk in high school is cause I didn't want to scratch my car.
Girl: Well, that's shouldn't be the only reason!
Guy: Oh, for sure–but it was a pretty sweet ride.
–62nd St & Lexington
Look– Future-Me Says I Become a Top!
Gay guy: Oh, I just realized I took Tyler's phone this morning.
Straight guy: That's what happens when you and your boyfriend get identical phones.
Gay guy: Brilliant idea–I'm going to text him now, and his name will come up in the caller id. I'll pretend to be him from the future and start making dire predictions.
(his phone beeps) Dammit, he noticed. I just got a text from Van-from-the-future.
Straight guy: You guys are an oddly perfect couple.
–87th St & 3rd Ave