Hobo: I never should have left Kansas City. –85th between 2nd & 3rd
Shopgirl: You got to go to Hawaii for the summer? You’re so lucky!
Shopqueer: Not so lucky; I had to come back.
Shopgirl: At least you got to get out of the country. –Urban Outfitters, Upper West Side
Hobo: You want to know why America is the land of free? Go to jail; free food, free bed.
–53rd & Madison
Overheard by: Ramblin Bradley Scott
Guy on cell: I’m just so sick of hearing about Gaza. So many people getting shot…it just sounds like LA.
–86th & CPW
Girl: “AKA” means “otherwise known as.” This is America!
–23 Street C station
Hipster guy on cell: How’s Delaware?…Aw, I’m sorry…Your grandma what?…Ew!
Overheard by: Shawn Chesterfield
Hobo: I wish all of America was in Jordan.
Woman: …It’s not the money I’m worried about, it’s just that
Hoboken taxi drivers are shitheads. –Office, 50th & 6th Woman on cell: …and I mean, where the fuck am I supposed to find a hooker? This isn’t Las Vegas! –54th & 6th Overheard by: Eface Tourist man: One way ticket to Hewston please. –50th Street 1 station Turbaned white guy: Well, obviously I’m American, but my preferred religion is Punjabi. –Union Square Overheard by: misha Suit: Hawaii is so boring! There’s nothing to do but stay calm. –52nd & Lexington Girl: Have you been to the rest of the country? The rest of the country is not New York. They obviously don’t know anything about fashion. –Shea Stadium
Little boy: Are you from Florida?
Southern man: No, Tennessee, why?
Little boy: You sound like a cowgirl.
Southern man: I really don’t think Florida has any cowgirls.
Little boy: Well, you still sound like one.
–Nelson Ave & 168th St
Security guard to group of teenagers: Where are you from? Are you from the West Coast? I want to know what's going on over there.
Teenager: We're from Washington, DC.
Security guard: Oh, that's on the West Coast.
Teenager: No, Washington, DC is on the East Coast.
Security guard: Ohhh. You've got all those politicians, huh? That sucks.
Overheard by: Fifi
Conductor: Could the loud and rowdy passengers please calm down? We ask that passengers on the train respect the other riders.
Sailor #1: Fuck you! Fuck you! I don’t give a fuck what you say. I do whatever I want.
Sailor #2: Wait, what if he gets mad and, like, drops us off in a different state?!
Rich high-school girl #1: We should totally do this more often, like go to Philadelphia for the day.
Rich high-school girl #2: Totally! Where is Philadelphia, anyway? Is it next to Pennsylvania?
Rich high-school girl #1: Yeah, I think so…
Rich high-school girl #2: So then, where's Alabama?
Overheard by: appalled
Man on cell: The notebook is perfect and it also fits down my pants.
Overheard by: I Love You Alex
Hipster girl: So, as I was tasting him… Oh! My pants just unbuttoned!
–W 12th St
Overheard by: Paige
Conductor: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is our last stop, Grand Central Station. Please make sure you have your purses, pants, makeup and fake eyebrows.
Overheard by: Meaghan
High school goomba on cell: He’s just mad because I’ve got my own style. Y’know, I decided what I wanted to be like — y’know, how I wanted to look — and went with it. Just wait until summer — he won’t be able to touch me. Yo, do you know how hard it is to find white pants in Staten Island if you’re a guy? I had to go to Brooklyn to get them!
–S48 bus, Staten Island
Overheard by: It’s not part of the uniform?
Girl on cell: Just pull your pants down and take it like a man!
–E 12th & 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: Mistres Silver
Dude: Remember when that Turkish girl stuck her hands in my pants? I was like, ‘Hold on. You’re Muslim and I’m Texan — I don’t think this is gonna work.’
Overheard by: B
Man to lady: I need pants desperately. I can’t wait!
–32nd & Broadway
Guy on cell: Come on, one third of Americans don't pay their taxes. I want to be one of them.
–7th Ave & Garfield, Brooklyn
Guy on cell: Does he know where he is? This is America–this is America. They makin' ice cream every second! I don't know what he's complainin' about, they got chains makin' food 24 hours a day…they even makin' milk on Christmas!
Overheard by: Tess
Obnoxious black guy to another: I was watchin' a special on tv last night talkin' about how gays can't be in the war! When they find out the whole America is gay, we're screwed!
–45th & 9th
Construction worker to another: Hell, I could break down George Bush in a debate. And I'm a fuckin' plumber! (pause) I hate my damn nation…
–Dunkin' Donuts, Astoria, Queens
Conductor: This is the r local to Continental… Forest Hills… Queens… USA!
Overheard by: Mugsy's Moll
Guy trying to pick up girl: So where are you from?
Guy: Oh, man! My family and I almost moved there…but it sucked, so we moved to Florida instead.
–Park Ave & 33rd St