Archive for the ‘U.S. Geography’ Category

The United States of Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: You want to know why America is the land of free? Go to jail; free food, free bed. –53rd & Madison Overheard by: Ramblin Bradley Scott Guy on cell: I’m just so sick of hearing about Gaza. So many people getting shot…it just sounds like LA. –86th & CPW Girl: “AKA” means “otherwise known as.” This is America! –23 Street C station Hipster guy on cell: How’s Delaware?…Aw, I’m sorry…Your grandma what?…Ew! –Columbia University Overheard by: Shawn Chesterfield Hobo: I wish all of America was in Jordan. –Stuyvesant Park Woman: …It’s not the money I’m worried about, it’s just that
Hoboken taxi drivers are shitheads. –Office, 50th & 6th Woman on cell: …and I mean, where the fuck am I supposed to find a hooker? This isn’t Las Vegas! –54th & 6th Overheard by: Eface Tourist man: One way ticket to Hewston please. –50th Street 1 station Turbaned white guy: Well, obviously I’m American, but my preferred religion is Punjabi. –Union Square Overheard by: misha Suit: Hawaii is so boring! There’s nothing to do but stay calm. –52nd & Lexington Girl: Have you been to the rest of the country? The rest of the country is not New York. They obviously don’t know anything about fashion. –Shea Stadium

Those Guys Are So Ignorant

Security guard to group of teenagers: Where are you from? Are you from the West Coast? I want to know what's going on over there.
Teenager: We're from Washington, DC.
Security guard: Oh, that's on the West Coast.
Teenager: No, Washington, DC is on the East Coast.
Security guard: Ohhh. You've got all those politicians, huh? That sucks.

–Bowrey Ballroom

Overheard by: Fifi

Wednesday One-Liners, a Worldwide Pants Production

Man on cell: The notebook is perfect and it also fits down my pants.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: I Love You Alex

Hipster girl: So, as I was tasting him… Oh! My pants just unbuttoned!

–W 12th St

Overheard by: Paige

Conductor: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is our last stop, Grand Central Station. Please make sure you have your purses, pants, makeup and fake eyebrows.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Meaghan

High school goomba on cell: He’s just mad because I’ve got my own style. Y’know, I decided what I wanted to be like — y’know, how I wanted to look — and went with it. Just wait until summer — he won’t be able to touch me. Yo, do you know how hard it is to find white pants in Staten Island if you’re a guy? I had to go to Brooklyn to get them!

–S48 bus, Staten Island

Overheard by: It’s not part of the uniform?

Girl on cell: Just pull your pants down and take it like a man!

–E 12th & 3rd Avenue

Overheard by: Mistres Silver

Dude: Remember when that Turkish girl stuck her hands in my pants? I was like, ‘Hold on. You’re Muslim and I’m Texan — I don’t think this is gonna work.’

–Cheapshots

Overheard by: B

Man to lady: I need pants desperately. I can’t wait!

–32nd & Broadway

What's More American Than Wednesday One-Liners?

Guy on cell: Come on, one third of Americans don't pay their taxes. I want to be one of them.

–7th Ave & Garfield, Brooklyn

Guy on cell: Does he know where he is? This is America–this is America. They makin' ice cream every second! I don't know what he's complainin' about, they got chains makin' food 24 hours a day…they even makin' milk on Christmas!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Tess

Obnoxious black guy to another: I was watchin' a special on tv last night talkin' about how gays can't be in the war! When they find out the whole America is gay, we're screwed!

–45th & 9th

Construction worker to another: Hell, I could break down George Bush in a debate. And I'm a fuckin' plumber! (pause) I hate my damn nation…

–Dunkin' Donuts, Astoria, Queens

Conductor: This is the r local to Continental… Forest Hills… Queens… USA!

–R Train

Overheard by: Mugsy's Moll