Archive for the ‘U.S. Geography’ Category

We Will Now Begin the Sing-Along Portion Of Our Flight

Flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to welcome you aboard JetBlue flight 1024 with nonstop service to Boston. Before we depart, I would like to take the time and make sure that everyone is on the right flight — we don’t want people finding out that they’re going to the wrong city after we shut the cabin doors. Is everyone here going to Boston? [Silence.] I said, is everyone here going to Boston?
Passengers: Yes!
Flight attendant: Thank you. You have to answer me, people!

–JetBlue flight, JFK

“Are you fcuking kidding me?”

Suit #1: So how was working in the Atlanta office? Hook up with any girls there?
Suit #2: Man, every girl in that city who’s over 21 is either married or divorced. Lots of good-looking ones, though. But it’s like you think you’re in Barney’s and it’s really Salvation Army. –Park & 48th

Wednesday One-Liners Aren’t in New York — That’s for Sure

20-ish woman on cell: I know it’s illegal in most states, but I thought it would be okay in Arizona…

–Central Park

Overheard by: aaron milner

Teacher: You guys might notice that I have some issues with Louisiana. I mean, it’s a great place and all, as long as you don’t get mugged or walk into a drug deal. I did that and then they followed me into a Rite Aid, and I was like, ‘Fuck, I’m gonna get stabbed on my last day here.’

–Bronx Science

Overheard by: LSB

Hot girl on cell: She moved to Oklahoma? People don’t go to Oklahoma — people are from Oklahoma!

–72nd & Columbus

Overheard by: from Texas

Hipster: Her parents are the only democrats in Colorado.

–E 86th St, between 2nd & 3rd Ave

Woman on cell: Girl. what state you said you in? North Carolina?! That’s a big-ass fuckin’ state! … Shit, North Carolina is a big fuckin’ state — they got mad people… North Carolina is fuckin’ big… You need to get the fuck out of there.

–J train

Preppy girl on cell: Yeah, but he’s from, like, gross Connecticut.

–49th & 6th

Overheard by: Scarfish

Conductor: We’re on the looong Alabama road. I’m glad you’re all aboard.

–Manhattan-bound Q train

The Governor's Accent Tends to Throw People Off

Guy #1, wearing American Apparel sweater: Brr.
Guy #2: Man, I freaking hate American Apparel!
Guy #1: Yeah, this sweater's thin as hell!
Guy #2: No, I mean like they're all “American” Apparel” so they can sell to Americans, pretending to be made by Americans. Meanwhile, their clothes are being made in California!

–Elevator, St. George Hotel, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Crazy Person

I'll Take “Lesbians Who Don't Love Their Girlfriends” for $200, Alex

Girl #1: Do you think I'm a loser?
Girl #2: What? No. Why?
Girl #1: I haven't gotten laid in like five months.
Girl #2: There's a guy traveling cross country to fuck you! I don't have that.
Girl #1: You got fucked by a porn star! More than once! And she wants to do it again!
Girl #2: We'll it's not like she's flying cross country just for that.
Girl #1: Have you asked her? She might.
Girl #2: Yeah right, I can't even get my girlfriend to come in from Jersey.
Girl #1: (pause) Ewww. Who wants to be in Jersey.

–Elephant & Castle, West Village