Man on cell: I’ll be in Fort Lauderdale in 2 hours, wait for me. –34th & 8th
Ghetto clerk #1: Someone called before from New Mexico.
Ghetto clerk #2: So?
Ghetto clerk #1: Well, I didn’t know there was a New Mexico.
Ghetto clerk #2: Yeah, there’s Mexico and New Mexico.
Ghetto clerk #1: Oh, I get it. So it’s like Bronk and da Bronx?
Ghetto clerk #2: Not really.
–Manhattan Supreme Court
Yuppie on cell cutting long line, to cashier: I’d like to buy some cookies.
Cashier: Um, the line starts back there, sir.
Yuppie, into cell: I hate the fucking East Side. Everyone thinks they’re hot shit. I can’t figure out this fucking line — all I want to do is buy some fucking cookies… New Jersey is my destiny.
–Bakery, 70th & Lex
White guy: Where do you live?
White girl: The Upper East Side. Where do you live?
White guy: I just moved to the city, I live in Harlem.
White girl: Oh, that must be scary.
White guy: Nah, it's not scary. I'm from Northwestern Florida so I mean I'm used to black people…plus, I play basketball.
White girl (nods in complete agreement): Oh, you're fine then.
Guy: So where did you say you are from again?
Southern girl: Alabama.
Guy: Hmm. I’ve never been to Alabama. I’ve been to Louisiana, though.
Southern girl: Ugh. It’s all the same thing. If you’ve been to one racist, idiot hellhole, you’ve been to them all. –F train
Suit: So, you wanna bring the strippers to paintball?
–45th St & Ave of the Americas
Suit: They are not stupid people, even though they are from the Midwest.
–53rd & Park
Overheard by: MJ
Suit: We’re meeting in conference room G, but there’s still blood in there from the last meeting.
–53rd & Park
Overheard by: Russo
Suit whispering baby talk into another’s ear: Freddie, wash my butthole.
–Brooklyn-bound Q train
Late-50s suit to another: My next-door neighbors, they don’t know how to communicate with their Mexicans.
–N & R platform, 49th St
Overheard by: Wish I could have heard more
Suit to another: I don’t care what they say — once a french maid, always a french maid.
Suit on cell: If it wasn’t for goat’s milk I don’t know how I would’ve made it through college.
–45th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: y2jon
Guy waiting on passport line: I'd like an expedited passport.
Postal worker: Oooh! Going anywhere fun?
–Post Office, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: BLSwhatwhat
Hobo: I never should have left Kansas City. –85th between 2nd & 3rd
Shopgirl: You got to go to Hawaii for the summer? You’re so lucky!
Shopqueer: Not so lucky; I had to come back.
Shopgirl: At least you got to get out of the country. –Urban Outfitters, Upper West Side
Hobo: You want to know why America is the land of free? Go to jail; free food, free bed.
–53rd & Madison
Overheard by: Ramblin Bradley Scott
Guy on cell: I’m just so sick of hearing about Gaza. So many people getting shot…it just sounds like LA.
–86th & CPW
Girl: “AKA” means “otherwise known as.” This is America!
–23 Street C station
Hipster guy on cell: How’s Delaware?…Aw, I’m sorry…Your grandma what?…Ew!
Overheard by: Shawn Chesterfield
Hobo: I wish all of America was in Jordan.
Woman: …It’s not the money I’m worried about, it’s just that
Hoboken taxi drivers are shitheads. –Office, 50th & 6th Woman on cell: …and I mean, where the fuck am I supposed to find a hooker? This isn’t Las Vegas! –54th & 6th Overheard by: Eface Tourist man: One way ticket to Hewston please. –50th Street 1 station Turbaned white guy: Well, obviously I’m American, but my preferred religion is Punjabi. –Union Square Overheard by: misha Suit: Hawaii is so boring! There’s nothing to do but stay calm. –52nd & Lexington Girl: Have you been to the rest of the country? The rest of the country is not New York. They obviously don’t know anything about fashion. –Shea Stadium