Archive for the ‘Vagina’ Category

Then I Hope Your Knees Bend

Barefoot girl #1: What's wrong with your feet? Why are you bending them like that?
Barefoot girl #2: I'm not. I just have very high arches.
Barefoot girl #1: No, that's freaky. You look like you're wearing high heels! You have Barbie feet!
Barefoot girl #2: Well, obviously then I am the ideal of feminine beauty. I also don't have a vagina.

–Central Park

Headline by: g

Runners-Up:
· “But My Boyfriend Says He Can Work Around That.” – space coyote

· “If You Were the Ideal Of Feminine Beauty, You Wouldn’t Have a Mouth.” – LPS
· “It’s Okay. Ken’s Only Got a Bump.” – 1310 (formerly SNA)
· “Or a Soul.” – fresca
· “Perfect for Men Who Have Lumps Instead Of Penises” – ktg
· “Pre-Op Trannies Are So Hung Up on Their Looks.” – Ice Cream Scoopy Doo!


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Are Shameless Pecker Checkers

Suit on cell: I said to him, "If I had my dick out on the bar, you think she wouldn't look at it?" and he kept telling me I owed her an apology, so I said, "Sweetheart, sorry I looked at your pussy." Listen, I gotta get off the train now. I'll call you back.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Pasty

Guy standing at lowered urinal to guy standing at regular height urinal: The low urinal is for the guys with big dicks, so they don't bottom out.

–Roc Restaurant

Guy to group of friends (boisterously): I only date chicks with small hands…makes my dick look huge!

–St. Andrews Bar

Overheard by: allimax

Woman (screaming into phone): Suck my dick, bitch!

–Near Manhattan Mall

Guy shouting into cell: We got a cab. And you can eat a dick.

–Hanover & Water

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because some dick is holding the door. We will be moving when the dick takes his arm out the door.

–4 Train

Overheard by: jessie

In Person, Miley and Billy Ray Are Pretty Much What You'd Expect.

Guy, on Nextel: Hey, honey.
Girl, on other end of Nextel: Dad, I'm pissed! I think he's cheating on me.
Guy: Why do you say that?
Girl: Cause my vagina is itchy and red.
Guy: Well, maybe you should go get checked.
Girl: But dad, what should I do?
Guy: Honey, let me call you back, I'm about to pay the cashier… call you in a little.

–33rd & Madison

Overheard by: OZoNE