Archive for the ‘Vagina’ Category

There's No Pill for What Wednesday One-Liners Have

Nervous hipster: You know, it's really true what they say about friends with eczema… –50th & 8th Overheard by: chris Guy on cell: So she got cancer, big fuckin deal! –1st Ave & St. Mark's Man on cell: Next time they call, just politely say there's no one here with diabetes. –Central Park Overheard by: Lola Black Woman exiting car: There's this bump between my ass and cooch. I think I should get that checked. –W 4th St 20-something guy to 40-something woman: Look, I'm not saying I'm not concerned about my hand being sticky, but I'm more concerned about malaria. –Café

May/December Wednesday One-liners

Girl: Man, this old dyke is digging on me, but I want some penis
these days. –3rd between B & C Guy: Man, old pussy is the best! She has 50 years of dick sucking experience. –124th & Manhattan Overheard by: Jason Steinhauer Queer on cell: Ever since I lost my hair I’ve had 20 year olds chasing me around like I’m an ice cream cone. –LIRR Overheard by: Squatporpoise Girl: Oh yeah, that guy you saw me with Sunday? He lets me watch him have sex with boys. –NYU School of social work Overheard by: Maggie

Do Wednesday One-Liners Measure Up?

Eastern European in velour jumpsuit, approaching guy on street: Sup, cuz. Hey, remember to give it to Ricky tonight for that thing tomorrow. It's a good size. Alright, see you later. –89th & 3rd Overheard by: Ben A Girl to friends: And then she was like, "yeah, let me look at you with my weirdly oversized eyeballs." –Court St., Brooklyn Overheard by: iwn2000 Female suit on phone: We need to get them! (pause) No! They're too big! They won't fit in the hole! –Broadway Guy: Masculinity is determined by the size of your (slight pause) army… –Millennium High School Little girl, carrying tiny stick: Look! I have the biggest stick in the world! –Central Park

Cue the Least Romantic Song Ever

Thug #1: Kelly Bundy’s dancing on Broadway.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: She broke both her legs. I think she in a wheelchair.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: I bet she dance good. She hot.
Thug #2: I’d break her clit if I had the chance. –F train Girl: If I hear another show tune out of context I think I’m going to vomit. Physically vomit. You know that feeling?
Guy: Uh, no. –42nd between 9th & 10th

Wednesday One-Liner: The World's Oldest Profession

Older, dirty-looking hobo: Hey, spare me some change, all I want tonight is a hooker and some malt liquor. –Ave A & 4th St 20-something girl: Seriously! There is nothing better after a stressful day than stealing a car, picking up a hooker, taking her to the beach, fucking her, killing her, getting your money back and not getting arrested. Nothing! –Underhill & St. Mark's, Brooklyn Overheard by: Claire H. Young woman to boss: If you don't give me more hours, I'mma have to start sellin' my pussy! –Chelsea Overheard by: Holly Subway musician in drag the night before Valentine's Day: Be with the one you love! If you don't have anyone, then hire somebody! And keep your receipt! –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Morning Glory Musician on train platform: Everything gonna be alright! Get home safe, New York. Remember: if you see something, say something, don't keep it to yourself. And remember, New York, if you can't be with the one you love, pay someone! Keep all the receipts. I know what I'm talking about. –B Train Overheard by: Free Love

Wednesday One-Liners (Sing Along If You Know the Words)

Crazy hobo (to the tune of Elvis’ Hound dog): Ain’t nothing but a hound dog! (mutters next two lines) And you never fuck a rabbit in the ass, cause that’s just a waste of time! –E 4th St & 2nd Ave Man, to the tune of Hit Me Baby One More Time: I need to pee out of my urethra. –Penn Station Overheard by: Noelle Guy in back of the bus wearing headphones and singing: (almost inaudible) I wanna die…I just wanna die.
(everyone stares at him)
Guy: (almost inaudible) I wanna die… I wanna dieeeeeeee. –Bx 9 Bus, Fordham Plaza Overheard by: Krisztina, sitting right in front of him Homeless guy singing while shaking paper cup full of change: Oh me, oh my… There goes perfection. Oh me, oh my… Here comes an erection. –13th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: rolf Young Hispanic man singing to Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven: And there’s a wino down the road! –E train Overheard by: In_the_Shadows Crazy hobo signing to two passing women: Vaaaggiiinnnaaa… Vaaagggiiiinnaaaa. (stretches out his neck towards them and emphasizes) Vaaaaggggiiiiinnnaaaaaa! –Near NYU Overheard by: Joe