Archive for the ‘Venues’ Category

What’s the Bad News?

Tall blonde: Didn’t you say you were getting an ice cream cake? I’m so confused.
Short blonde: There was no time for both, so that’ll have to be another break a little later.
Tall blonde: Ah, okay. I just was worried about it sitting in Accounting, so I went to get it and they had no idea what I was talking about.
Short blonde: Oh, no, no. Plus, I couldn’t carry all three. The good news — Mylar won’t melt.

–25th & Broadway

Overheard by: prciosasoy

Wednesday One-Liners Ride a Vespa

Hipster on cell: I’m not even buying anything. I’m just here to be seen.

–Trader Joe’s

Hipster boy: I loves me some master race!

–Lobby, the Met

Overheard by: Shayna

Tipsy hipster girl: Wine is so, like, the blood of the gods!

–W 4th & Christopher St

Hipster guy: I think the most truly good person who’s ever been on this earth was Gandhi. Or maybe Martin Luther King, Junior… But he was black.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ghandi was Indian..

Drunk chick: What kind of hipsters are you that you won’t fuck a girl just because she wants to wear a Sailor Moon costume?

–St. Mark’s Pl

Wednesday One-Liners Always Have a Date

Man on cell: I had never used a dildo before, you know? It’s just never come up, I guess. So I think, ‘Okay, I’m not that young anymore — I’ll take what I can get…’ and it was going fine, but then I didn’t know you’re not supposed to shove it in that fast…

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Peter L

Dude on cell: Why would I get the pink one? It’s not a dildo, it’s a back massager from Duane Reade.

–Christopher & 7th

Girl: I’ve got my Reisens and my vibrator, and I’m all set!

–Duane Reade, Montague & Court, Brooklyn

Young woman turning to male friend: So, bud, conquered any good buttplugs lately?

–6 train

Girl whispering: I think that girl in line behind me just read this text about rubber pussy cups!

–Victoria’s Secret dressing room

20-something guy to pals at brunch: I’m tired of being the guy with all the good sex toys!

–56th & 9th

Wednesday One-Liners Thought Felicity Huffman Deserved that Oscar

Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?

–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave

Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.

–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel

TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Limey

Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’

–26th St

Overheard by: agrees with that girl

College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?

–114th & Broadway

Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.

–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners Are as Dumb as They Look

Prep chick: Is it amoebas that come from Mexico? Or am I thinking of armadillos?

–5th Ave

Overheard by: Francesca

White teen girl: So, is there a Friday next week?

–4 train

Overheard by: Gregorio

Girlfriend: If your friends told you to jump down a bridge, would you do it?

–D train, Grand Concourse

Suit to black gangster holding large chameleon: Excuse me, sir. What species of dinosaur is that?

–Manhattan-bound F train

Overheard by: Josh

Teen: So how much would the game cost if it was $17.99?

–Game Stop, Forest Hills

Future zoologist: They have sea lions here! They’re like lions — from the sea!

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Andrew K.

I Have People Who Do that for Me

Pope: So you said 300 percent return?
Bee: Definitely, man — 300 percent!
Pope: So I’ll have my people call your people.
Bee: Yeah, let’s have our people talk.
Pope: My people will totally be in touch with your people, man.
Bee: Okay, dude. Then let’s get high.

–Halloween party, Brooklyn