Archive for the ‘Venues’ Category

The Need for Anti-Meme Drugs Becomes Ever More Pressing

Ghetto girl: Man, I can’t believe he did this! I mean, we was in this relationship for like two weeks, and now he be tryin’ to dump me! He was all, “Yeah, we’re over.” I was like, “What you talkin’ about?” Then he was all, “I’m taking you off my Top 8.”
Passerby: He took you off his Top 8? Oh, hell, no.

–Baryshnikov Arts Center

Overheard by: random dancer

Wednesday One-Liners Always Thought Slim Goodbody Was Hot

Woman: You better get that uvula home soon!

–Brooklyn bound F train

Overheard by: PoisonIvy Cracked-Out queer, holding US Weekly: Mmmmmm, Ashlee lookin’ good! You know why? Whole lotta crack in her belly!

–1 train Guy: So they took out my spleen and rummaged through my internal organs…

–1 train

Overheard by: sara n. Woman on cell: I can’t believe it; your brain muscle must be telepathetic or something!

–18th & Park

Overheard by: edward Vendor: What if they test it and find that it’s from his ear?!

–Wooster & Broome Professor: My favorite magazine is one for undertakers. It’s called Caskets and Sunnyside. You can order ears. Right ears, left ears; there’s a market for them. –Fordham Overheard by: Jess McGins Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I’m on the street. I can’t hear–Oh, tilted! That’s totally fucked up. I’m sorry. –23rd & 6th

Wednesday One-Liners Have Gender Trouble

Old Jewess on cell: Carla is going to be there, too…You’ve met Carla…You met her the other week. She was the one with the penis. –77th & 2nd Overheard by: Joseph Considerate guy: Hey, man, don’t burst his bubble. If it ain’t a man, it ain’t a man. –Outside 10th Precinct, W 20th St Voice on intercom: Sir, that’s the women’s restroom. Sir…Sir…Stop! –Times Square Drunk guy: Well, it was either a real ugly woman or a guy with man-boobs. –F train Drunk dude to girl: Wow, you’re the prettiest man I’ve ever seen. –Women’s bathroom, Saloon, 83rd & York Overheard by: Aaron Little girl, staring at the Statue of Liberty: Who’s he supposed to be? –Circle Line Overheard by: emily Young guy: …so, technically, I’m lactating. Technically. –Central Park

Wednesday One-Liners Built the Tower of Babel

Guy: Hey! Where’s my Sudanese pussy from Chinatown? –14th & University Guy on cell: I’ll meet you at the corner by the store with Chinese writing…Hey, wait a minute. All the fucking signs around here have Chinese writing. –Walker & Lafayette Overheard by: Wolf Guy on cell: So, if this is true, then Dracula’s native language would be Hungarian rather than Romanian. And I think that is important for my research. –Anthology Film Archives, 2nd St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: nosy cinephile Teen girl: This bag is mad Aztec. –13th & University Co-Worker: So, did she mention anything about Mexicans? –Office, W 36th St Overheard by: Evan Well-Traveled girl: Mexico is not a Third-World country. JFK is. –Tea Lounge, Park Slope Small child: Mommy, look! You can tell he’s Mexican by his eyes! –Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport White girl, to Asian girl: So wait, is he just not Japanese or not interested? –Walgreens, Union Square Overheard by: Goldie Businesswoman: Well you can’t kill a Vietnamese man because that would just cost too much. –I Trulli restaurant, E 27th St Hobo: You’re not Polish; you just think you’re Polish! –Tompkins Square Park Voice over intercom: Will the foreign exchange student please come to the cashier. –Century 21 Sassy chick: I can’t believe she’s moving to fucking Cambodia to live with a fucking cricket-hunter she’s only known for two months! –TGI Friday’s, 52nd & 7th Overheard by: Shaina

Oh, Just Like You Bringing Me to Orgasm?

Texan mom: It says here that the French gave this statue as a gift.
Texan dad: Ain’t no way France coulda sent that. They ain’t got no boat big enough.
Texan mom: But it says here…
Texan dad: Ain’t possible means ain’t possible. Gittit?

–Liberty Island

Overheard by: Colman