Archive for the ‘Venues’ Category

What’s the Bad News?

Tall blonde: Didn’t you say you were getting an ice cream cake? I’m so confused.
Short blonde: There was no time for both, so that’ll have to be another break a little later.
Tall blonde: Ah, okay. I just was worried about it sitting in Accounting, so I went to get it and they had no idea what I was talking about.
Short blonde: Oh, no, no. Plus, I couldn’t carry all three. The good news — Mylar won’t melt. –25th & Broadway Overheard by: prciosasoy

Wednesday One-Liners Ride a Vespa

Hipster on cell: I’m not even buying anything. I’m just here to be seen. –Trader Joe’s Hipster boy: I loves me some master race! –Lobby, the Met Overheard by: Shayna Tipsy hipster girl: Wine is so, like, the blood of the gods! –W 4th & Christopher St Hipster guy: I think the most truly good person who’s ever been on this earth was Gandhi. Or maybe Martin Luther King, Junior… But he was black. –Times Square Overheard by: Ghandi was Indian.. Drunk chick: What kind of hipsters are you that you won’t fuck a girl just because she wants to wear a Sailor Moon costume? –St. Mark’s Pl

Wednesday One-Liners Always Have a Date

Man on cell: I had never used a dildo before, you know? It’s just never come up, I guess. So I think, ‘Okay, I’m not that young anymore — I’ll take what I can get…’ and it was going fine, but then I didn’t know you’re not supposed to shove it in that fast… –14th St & 3rd Ave Overheard by: Peter L Dude on cell: Why would I get the pink one? It’s not a dildo, it’s a back massager from Duane Reade. –Christopher & 7th Girl: I’ve got my Reisens and my vibrator, and I’m all set! –Duane Reade, Montague & Court, Brooklyn Young woman turning to male friend: So, bud, conquered any good buttplugs lately? –6 train Girl whispering: I think that girl in line behind me just read this text about rubber pussy cups! –Victoria’s Secret dressing room 20-something guy to pals at brunch: I’m tired of being the guy with all the good sex toys! –56th & 9th

Wednesday One-Liners Thought Felicity Huffman Deserved that Oscar

Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys? –42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory. –Bus in Lincoln Tunnel TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn. –NYU Silver Center Overheard by: Limey Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’ –26th St Overheard by: agrees with that girl College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman? –114th & Broadway Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate. –Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners Are as Dumb as They Look

Prep chick: Is it amoebas that come from Mexico? Or am I thinking of armadillos? –5th Ave Overheard by: Francesca White teen girl: So, is there a Friday next week? –4 train Overheard by: Gregorio Girlfriend: If your friends told you to jump down a bridge, would you do it? –D train, Grand Concourse Suit to black gangster holding large chameleon: Excuse me, sir. What species of dinosaur is that? –Manhattan-bound F train Overheard by: Josh Teen: So how much would the game cost if it was $17.99? –Game Stop, Forest Hills Future zoologist: They have sea lions here! They’re like lions — from the sea! –Central Park Zoo Overheard by: Andrew K.

I Have People Who Do that for Me

Pope: So you said 300 percent return?
Bee: Definitely, man — 300 percent!
Pope: So I’ll have my people call your people.
Bee: Yeah, let’s have our people talk.
Pope: My people will totally be in touch with your people, man.
Bee: Okay, dude. Then let’s get high. –Halloween party, Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners Hallah Back

Chick complaining about looking for roommates: The problem with today is that everybody’s Jewish. –Dobbin & Norman Overheard by: Sam Tresler Young quasi-gangster to friends: Even if you’re not Jewish, you’re, like… Jewish. –Post-Yankees game on B train Overheard by: Indiana Tourist chick: How, how, how can there be no Jewish deli? All I want is a tongue sandwich and a fucking piece of pizza! –Grand Central Station Overheard by: X-tal Lady suit: Are you saying you’d rather be with a Jewish person than a wife-beater? –18th & 6th Overheard by: emily JAP: Shiksas are totally not allowed on Jdate! –71st & Columbus Overheard by: DebDan Chick in stall to friend: It must be a Jewish thing, but whenever there’s food around I have to eat it — even if I’m not hungry. –Restroom, Loews Cinema, 11th & 3rd Ave Overheard by: Em Queer: No, like, of course you’re not Jewish. I just wanted to check before I dissed the Jews. –113th & Broadway Overheard by: hilla