Archive for the ‘Violence’ Category

But What About Miracle Whip?

Man: So you’ve had problems with customers before, huh?
Cashier: Just one guy. It was 4th of July weekend and he was going on about sour cream. He was the only one in the store. He started hitting me because he said I charged the wrong price. I kept telling him that he had to leave.
Man: Wow!
Cashier: Yeah, he was obviously going senile. I mean, I’d never hit anyone over sour cream! –Waldbaum’s, Bensonhurst

Wednesday One-Liners Will Cut a Bitch.

Middle schooler on field trip: Oh my god, we're gonna get knifed.

–Times Square

Woman on cell: Do you have any chainsaws I can borrow?

–38th & 2nd

Harley Davidson dude to another: So I stabbed that guy, and that guy, and then that guy.

–7th St & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: NYCQ

Woman on cell: Today is not the day. I can't come to 14th Street or I'll stab you.

–42nd St & Ave of the Americas

Overheard by: Matthew

Wednesday One-Liners in Velour Hats with Leopard Trim

Pimp to player across the street: Yo! Stay over there, this side's for pimps and that side's for players. I'm a pimp. Lemme show you that pimp walk! (starts walking down the street, gets to player) How you like that, playa? That's how we do it, pimp style.

–115th & 7th, Harlem

Overheard by: beeloo

Female college student: Valentine's Day? Girl, pimps don't do Valentine's.

–1 Train

Girl on cell: I feel like a pimp, I say hi to everybody.

–86th & 4th, Brooklyn

Elderly man to even more elderly man: I'm gonna pimp-slap you right down on the street!

–Times Square