Archive for the ‘Violence’ Category

Please Remain on the Line. Your Wednesday One-Liner Is Important to Us.

Usher: I will tell you once again: do not use your cell phone! I know how to wrestle!

–Theatre

Man: What kind of faggot has a 551 number?

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: a friend of mine does

Drunk Long Island girl: I don't know! I guess my phone was on lock or unlock or whatever, but my boobs must have called you!

–W 10th St

Overheard by: max

Blonde NYU ditz, looking at BlackBerry: Wait… what area code is 718? That's like really far away, right?

–Sullivan & Bleecker

Overheard by: i actually laughed at her

Conductor: This is the train to Ronkonkoma, also known as "ko, hip hip hey and away we go." When using cell phones, please, keep it quiet, 'cause no one really wants to know what you're talkin' about.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Goober

A Gun Can Get You Any Woman

Man: So I’m just standing there, trying to get the guns from his hands–
Woman #1: Are they registered?
Man: Not in New York.
Woman #1: Ooh, you need to be careful. He could get arrested again!
Man: I know, right? So I have one gun in my hand, and he has the other one, and he’s ready to give it to me when Susan starts freaking out.
Woman #2: Ooh…Did you know that they had a threesome with Trista?
Man: What? What the fuck? Why does he get all the threesomes? –Carmine’s, 91st & broadway Overheard by: The Waitress

Pop Quiz: Which One Was Raised by a Monkey?

Old lady when boy gives up his seat: What a nice boy! Thank you!
Boy #1: Well, my mom raised me well. It was the belt — she only had to use it once, and then I just knew, you know?
Chick: Ohhh, yeah, for me it was a wooden spoon.
Boy #2: Oranges. She used to throw oranges at my face.

–2/3 train

Overheard by: Katie Koeblitz

Making Exactly the Same Mistakes

Girl: Did you hear about Barbara Walters and the affairs she had when she was younger? It shocked me.
Guy: Why'd it shock you? A lot of these older people did a lot of crazy shit when they were younger, from violence to sex. How do you think at least 50% of us were born? And she looked kinda good then, I'd have done 'er.
Girl (shaking her head): Just about everybody is fucked up.
Guy (growling and laughing): Don't groan about it, it's nature baby. Us people today are just the latest ones on the scene.

–8th St & 6 Ave

Overheard by: savon

Wednesday One-liners Are Dead

Guy: Yeah, well, he’s a big fan of the cadaver tissue. –Washington Heights Lady on cell: My god he killed everyone last night. He first sat on her then started to beat on her. Then she got up and started beating on him. –West Broadway & Chambers Fat Hispanic woman: I don’t know, I just haven’t been using my gun lately. –Fort Greene