Teacher: My father always told me, "Never run away from a fight. If the guy's bigger than you, hit him. If he gets back up, hit him again. If he gets back up again, hit him with a garbage can. If he still gets back up, run like hell, 'cause this dude's gonna kill you!" –Stuyvesant High School Teacher: Okay. Emergency procedures. If the fire bell rings, we run like hell. –Stuyvesant High School Overheard by: Goober Chinese teacher (referring to Sichuan earthquake): They had a saying after the earthquake happened that originates from a male part. "People are supposed to rise up, and get hard!" …and be strong. –Bard High School Early College Math teacher: Give me your little men! –Spence School English teacher: I could be charged with child abuse in some states for teaching grammar in 90-degree weather. (student is silent) I'm not going to hit you. –Brooklyn Tech Overheard by: Julie
Ranting woman: We should be boycotting products from all those big corporations like Microsoft, and General Motors, and Nike, and–
Hobo: Shut the fuck up before the corporation gets to you and tortures you to death. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Ting
Drunk jock: She left cuz she said she was hungry. Well, I'll put that fuckin' falafel on my dick! –LaGuardia & W 4th Overheard by: Not drunk College guy to no one in particular: She was trying to suck my dick! …so I slapped her with it! –Port Authority Overheard by: Kate V. Woman to man: See, I don't have a dick, I have a pussy, but I told him to suck my dick. –South Park Slope Drunk guy outside subway entrance: Racism can go suck a dick! I don't care who you are, if you're racist, I. Will. Fight. You. –Central Park Entrance Overheard by: HAIR-y Woman to another: I never had to dress up my vagina to get a dick. An old man would have had me pinned against a wall in a second. –Century 21 Store Girl on cell: Yeah, well, you know what his defense was? (pause) Yeah, he tried to tell the judge he couldn't have done it because his dick was too huge. (pause) I know! And it gets better! He wanted to make a plaster of Paris mold of his dick to prove it was too big! (pause) Oh, I'm serious. (pause) Yeah, no…I don't know what he was going to do with the mold of his dick. Maybe he was gonna submit it as Exhibit A or something, and shove it up in her to prove his point. –Penn Station
Hipster girl: On the train into the city this morning, I sat on a baby and almost crushed it.
Metal guy: There is no internet acronym for how funny that is. –Union Square Overheard by: esther
Chick #1: So, are you a bad boy?
Chick #2: Yeah, I’ll bet he rides motorcycles and has guns.
Dude: No, but I have killed a few people I didn’t like.
Chick #1, seriously: Don’t joke. I dated a guy who did that. –1 train Overheard by: Jay
Woman to boyfriend: You're so right, that man's a liar and a thief! How fucking dare he!
Boyfriend: How dare he, indeed! Now lemme tell ya: if he do it again, shit, I don't even fuckin' care! I'll cut his fuckin' kidneys out! In full view of da NYPD–I don't give a shit. In fact, I want them to see me and convict me! –L Train Overheard by: Stephen
Guy to girlfriend, watching Easter Passion procession, complete with Christ carrying cross: Oh my god, they’re whipping him! That’s great, that’s brilliant… I love this neighborhood. –12th St & Ave A Overheard by: Porkido
Chick: So, you’re working here now?
Barista guy: Well, had they taught me karate from a young age like they were supposed to I would be fighting shoguns in Japan right now. –Park Slope coffee shop Overheard by: kendell chambers
Lady: Wow, that really sucks…
Man: Yeah, you never know how useful all your fingers are until you lose one. And you know what’s so crazy? I used to fantasize about cutting one of my fingers off before this happened.
Lady: Are you serious? Which one?
Man: I couldn’t decide… –2nd St & Ave C Overheard by: bestbelieve
Guy selling belts: Getcha belts here! Five dollahs! Belts! Only FIVE DOLLAHS!
Touristy man passes by with 10-year-old son.
Guy selling belts: Getcha belts to hitcha kids with! Talking to them don’t work! –W 65th St