Guy: Yeah, well, he’s a big fan of the cadaver tissue. –Washington Heights Lady on cell: My god he killed everyone last night. He first sat on her then started to beat on her. Then she got up and started beating on him. –West Broadway & Chambers Fat Hispanic woman: I don’t know, I just haven’t been using my gun lately. –Fort Greene
Teacher: Who remembers Some Like It Hot?
Student: Isn’t that the one where in the end they’re all on a boat and it blows up?
–Cinema Studies class, NYU
Overheard by: Andrew Jacobs
Too-hot-to-trot mother: Yo, stop hitting me with that thing.
Bad-ass eight-year-old son: Ahhh… Shut up, you bald-headed bitch!
Too-hot-to-trot mother: Yo, shut up! My head ain't bald!
–125th & Lexington
Overheard by: wish i could beat other people's kids
Dad: Jesus, we're going to get mugged in here.
Four-year-old: Dad, what does “mugged” mean?
Dad: It means “assaulted.”
Overheard by: Leonard
Black woman, to eight-year-old white girl: I love the white people. You are so cute. I would babysit you. Come here.
White woman: Yes, give the little white girl a hug.
Black woman, to girl: If anyone fucks with you, I’m gonna be fucking with them.
–47th & 8th
Overheard by: alxie
Girl to friend: You have to stop setting your brother on fire.
Overheard by: sandm
Student to professor: Urinating on fire? What the hell, Freud?
–Wagner College, Staten Island
Tool on cell: If burning leaves in the schoolyard is wrong, I don’t wanna be right!
–E 44th St & 2nd Ave
Blond woman: And that was the night I burned my eyebrows off!
Some guy: I spent all of last night searching my body for it, but I promise you if I find it, I’ll burn it.
Older woman at art gallery, looking at the price list: That burns my ass. Sorry, but that burns my ass.
Girl to friend: So last night I hit myself in the eye with my broom while baking lasagna, drunk.
–Blarney Stone Pub
Suit on cell: Oh man, you should definitely ice and elevate that shit.
–AMC Lowes, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jessica Segal
Man in wheelchair to woman pushing him: Remember when I hit that stroller head on and the kid passed out?
–33rd b/w 7th & 8th
Conductor on speaker: Please bring the first aid kit to car three, please bring the first aid kit to car three, a passenger has a bite.
–Train Leaving Penn Station
Teen to friend: And that’s how I got my penis stuck in a pencil sharpener.
–Stuyvesant High School
Suit on cell: It's not that I don't like people, I just think that they're expendable.
–Union Square Cafe
20-something to visiting family: We are about to go up a bunch of stairs. If you complain, you will be pushed back down them.
–Mulberry & Canal
Laughing suit to others: So, yeah, I just stepped over the body.
–42nd St & 5th Ave
Mother to small crying child: Honey, I did listen to you, but I can't make myself care.
Overheard by: Hunter
Drunk guy, watching fireworks: Oh, man, they're bombing Jersey…
Girl: Thank god.
–West Side Highway
Middle aged guy: I keep getting injured at concerts.
Friend: You do?
Middle aged guy: Yeah, like, when I fell off the stage at Girl Talk… Well, more like I got pushed.
–E Houston & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: BenRC