Archive for the ‘Virginity’ Category

Ugly Girls, Represent!

Sixth grader: Yo! Miss Stevens*, how old are you?
Student teacher: 20.
Sixth grader: Are you a virgin?
Student teacher: I don’t think that’s an appropriate question.
Sixth grader: Aight. It’s okay. I’m a virgin, too. –University Neighborhood Middle School Overheard by: teacher

Wednesday One-Liners in Cat Eye Glasses

Hipster girl to hipster guy: … And it’s like, he cums on me and it’s like it doesn’t even mean anything! –L train platform, Union Square Overheard by: Ht-hrw Hipster: You know, ‘bedbugs’ is just a classy name for crabs. –7th & Ave A Hipster: I better not be a virgin by the time I get home. –14th St & Union Square South Overheard by: Almost Tourist Hipster girl: So, I took ecstasy yesterday, and I was playing a lot of flute. –Outside The Slaughtered Lamb Overheard by: bonzo Hipster girl to friends: My mother thought I was a virgin until I told her that I’d had an abortion. –120th & Amsterdam Hipster: Well, I can’t help it if their tits shrivel up into tiny raisins! –Montrose stop Overheard by: big baby Hipster chick: So, all my guy friends are really into her! There’s just something about her that really turns guys on, and it’s not just because she’s blind. –Columbus Circle

Roll Tape, Please

Kid in baggy pants: What do you mean, you’re a virgin?
Kid shooting pool: Dude, I’m totally a virgin.
Kid in baggy pants: Trust me, you’re not a virgin. –Pool hall near NYU Overheard by: DJ

In Every Job That Must Be Done There Is an Element of Fun

Guy #1 flipping through showbill: So, what else has Mary Poppins done?
Girl #1: Greg*.
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: Oh, yeah — you know Greg from work? Apparently he did the chick playing Mary Poppins back when they were both living in LA. He lost his virginity to her, in fact.
Girl #2: Wait, wait — you know a dude who cashed in his V card with Mary Poppins? Oh my god, that is just all sorts of awesome! –Intermission of Mary Poppins

I’ve Missed Neither It Nor You

50-ish female lawyer at reunion party: Hi! Remember me?
50-ish male lawyer: [Long pause] Sure. 1981. Twelve dates, a carriage ride in Central Park, and I couldn’t even get a hand job from you. How’s your virginity? –Brooklyn Law School Overheard by: Big Larry