Archive for the ‘Visual Art’ Category

We’re Almost Done With The Gates

Boy: This…cost $23 million.
Dad: There’s 23 miles of them!
Boy: Still, that’s a million dollars a mile! Boy: Wait…so is the fabric pure saffron?
Mom: No no no, saffron is a spice.
Boy: Oh. The only time I’d heard that before was on Pokemon, they had Saffron City. Mom: It looks like they’re about to start marching!
Dad: They will, by Monday.
Boy: Wha? –The Gates

Hasn't That Exhibit Been Done?

Cute girl to drunk friend sitting provocatively with a miniskirt on: Sit up, Beth, your coochie's hangin' out.
Drunk friend: I can't get up. (yelling) Does anyone on this train have a problem with my vagina hanging out?
(train is silent)
Drunk friend: See? No one cares. Vaginas are like modern art these days.
Cute girl: I guess.
Drunk friend: You could take a picture of my snatch right now, frame it, make it look like Warhol, and it would sell in the MoMA for five thousand bucks. Hell, I should be charging admission fees right now. Anyone who comes to see my snatch exhibit and doesn't buy a copy is a misogynist. –A Train

Wednesday One-Liners, Literally

Man on cell, authoritatively: Ejaculate! –14th b/w 3rd & 4th Mother to curious little girl reaching out to touch Wall Street bull's testicles: No! (yanks her away) –Bowling Green Woman shouting across a grassy field: Slutbots! –McCarren Park, Brooklyn (intercom beeps 10 times)
Train conductor, over intercom: Shit.
(intercom continues to beep) –Hudson Line Train Man on bike speeding along Brooklyn Bridge walkway: Pussyhoooollleeeeee! –Brooklyn Bridge Quiet, older gentleman sipping coffee, leafing through newspaper: Motherfuckers! –Barnes & Noble Coffee Bar, Broadway Overheard by: Suze V

Wednesday One-Liners Are Always PC

Young teen girl: I've done cybersex so often I forgot how to type with two hands. –A Train Suit on cell: I have nothing to blog about. I have nothing to video blog about. Man, yesterday I had to force myself to tweet! –Uptown 4 Train Overheard by: cowgirly Girl selling peaches to another: Yeah, my dad was so unsympathetic when I told him my computer crashed that I went straight to the Apple store and charged a new hard drive to his credit card. I was really proud of myself. –Fort Greene Farmers Market Overheard by: Morning Glory Teenage girl to friend: I don't see why we're even here. We could see all this stuff on the internet for free. –Metropolitan Museum Overheard by: Derek

Also “Burn Things”

Young man, about entirely light-blue painting behind glass: What is this? What the heck is this, anyway?
Mother: It’s saying something.
Young man: What’s it saying?
Mother: It’s saying, ‘I’m an extra mirror. I’m here if you need me.’ –Contemporary Art section, MoMA

We Prefer to Think of Wednesday One-Liners as “Found Art”

Girl on cell: So I bought this air conditioner for my living room, and it's entirely too large for me to install by myself, because it weighs 78 lbs. No, seriously, I cannot even get it out of the box. I know–for the time being I'm just referring to it as a Duchamp "readymade." Ew! Don't you call me bohemian! –19th & 6th Art professor: You should look at Picasso and Matisse. These people will be more important to you than your family. Cousin Philly. I had a cousin Philly, and I loved him very much. But he's dead now. –Pratt Institute Overheard by: traPt Lawyer to friend, about Vincent van Gogh: You know, I could have gotten him disability. –Van Gogh Exhibit, MoMA Woman, discussing gallery: It was all modern stuff–but not, like, the kind of modern art that children can do. –20th & 5th Tourist boy: You can see his penis! It's not art if you can see his penis! –Petrie Court, Metropolitan Museum of Art