Archive for the ‘Visual Art’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Go Through a Grey Period

Girl looking at garbage and dirt spilled on the sidewalk: Gross. You think it’s supposed to be art? –Broadway & Houston Literature professor: So anything that anybody ever painted was a Guido? –NYU Silver Center Plausibly mad septuagenarian clerk: When I was 16 Stravinsky bought my first painting. It was written up in the paper. A couple of days later, I was kidnapped. –Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Seth Father to four-year-old son: Looking at art makes your legs tired. –Metropolitan Museum Lobby Philistine: I don’t like art in which you have to understand the motivation behind it. –Outside the Guggenheim Overheard by: Devoted Puppy Professor-type man to group of teens looking at Greek sculptures: And if the sculpture’s back is up against the wall and you want to see it from behind, just get up against a wall and look at its ass as much as you can… yeah! It’s not dirty or wrong… Just look at its ass! –Metropolitan Museum of Art

The Penises Get Mad When We're Late

Girl: I'm really bad at observing people.
Friend: I love Sleeping Beauty.
Girl: I can't write about art if it's, like, asked by my teachers. That's what I hate about this class. Last semester I had to reckon with a Louise Bourgeois essay… All her penises. Are you guys ready to go? –Cooper-Hewitt, National Design Museum Overheard by: Alex Bailey

If You're Wednesday and You Know It, Clap Your One-Liners

Young black lady to friend: I am so happy this is my last week! I hate New York City! Everybody is so rude! Today I nearly punched somebody in the face! –Elevator, Midtown Overheard by: thorn Metro guy, singing: If you're happy and you know it, get a paper. If you're happy and you know it, get a paper. If you're happy and you know it, and you really want to show it. If you're happy and you know it, get a Metro. –Penn Station Overheard by: erkala Six-year-old boy to mom: The things in cave paintings don't always look happy. –81st & 1st Overheard by: Tim Obvious lawyer, on Yom Kippur: My finger is happy to have the day off. –32nd St & Park Ave Overheard by: k

It’s Very Cute

Hipster girl: I haven’t seen any of your Facebook pictures, and I’ve been your friend for like a year!
Hipster boy: Really? You should.
Hipster girl: I’m checking them right now.
Hipster boy: Let me warn you, though — there are a lot of pictures of my penis on there.
Hipster girl: Oh, I’m used to that. –Apple Store, 5th Ave

…To Fuck the Statuary!

Crazy old hobo, holding up bags and drawing: Where's the moon? Where's the moon? If the earth is in Columbus Circle, then the moon would be on 64th and Central Park West! Come see my exhibition!
Hipster teen surrounded by giggling friends: Is your exhibition inside those bags?
Crazy old hobo: No, those are Michelle Obama's dresses. You want to be smart with me? Why don't you be smart and become an exhibitionist?
Hipster teen surrounded by giggling friends: Do you know what “exhibitionist” means?
Crazy old hobo: Of course! It's someone who goes to museums every day! –1 Train

Explaining Will Take More Time Than I Have Before Someone Hits Me, Sweetie

Young white daughter: Mommy, what's a black artist?
White mother, awkwardly: It's an artist who's…well, black.
Young daughter: Then how come you said you don't like them?
White mother, looking around nervously: I didn't say that, honey. I just said I don't like these paintings. The colors are too dark.
Young daughter, loudly: That's because he's black!
(mother hurriedly pulls daughter out of the room) –The Whitney