Archive for the ‘Visual Art’ Category

Tracy Chapman Only Needs One

Girl #1, touching bamboo sculpture: Rose, how do you think they're gonna get this down?
Girl #2: I dunno, untie it?
Girl #1: But I mean… Are they gonna, like, move it to a warehouse or, like, incinerate it? That's super not ecologically sound.
Girl #2: Um…
Girl #1: Fuck! They should just put pandas up here. Like a shit-ton of pandas. One, pandas eat bamboo. B, it would get the job done fast and all that would be left is the rope. Three, the more pandas eat, the stronger they get; the stronger they get, the more they bone, and then they're less endangered. Four, it would be really cute on the news, and… Five? Dude, pandas!
Girl #2: Are you high?
Girl #1: I've just had a Riesen.

–Roof Garden, The Met

Abstract Expressionist Wednesday One-Liners

Woman sitting in front of bar with friends: I approached motherhood like I approached my art…

–9th St & Ave C

Overheard by: Juliet

Street artist to tourist: I don't have empathy, I paint empathy.

–Soho

Hipster arty type to another: She deserves to be roofied; her prints are horrible.

–Pratt Institute

Hipster to another, at Georgia O'Keefe exhibit: That's a lot of vaginas.

–Whitney Museum

Four-year-old boy to father, at 17th century furniture room: This place gives me the creeps!

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Me too

Mother to child: I seen that picture you did of that boy kissing that girl. (pause) Darren, your art shit is going far!

–Times Square

Wedne$day One-Liner$

Blonde: But I want my money to have personality.

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: Late Night Doritos

Guy in Sweeny Todd t-shirt: Oh my god, we have to go back, we forgot the cardboard! How can we make money without cardboard?!

–McDonald's, 3rd Ave

Eastern European man: I never waited for an ATM in my life! What the fuck!?

–Bank of America, University & 14th

Well-dressed middle aged woman: Money is so expensive these days…

–Filene's Basement, Union Square

Overheard by: Bargin Shopper

Woman in line for general admission, to companion: An $18 museum? You'd better look at fucking everything, and touch some stuff too!

–Guggenheim Museum

Overheard by: Tom

A Little Wednesday One-Liner in a Big Pond

Drunk girl: I just love a cock in my mouth! It is a fact of my life, like Blair and Tootie. I want to be carnivorous. I will eat fish if it's the only thing on the menu, but I really just want some meat! I'm not fishiverous!

–Party, Ditmars Boulevard, Astoria

Overheard by: likes steak AND seafood

Girl to friend: Surely if she was ever in possession of a penis, then on merit she would inherit the family lobster farm?

–28th & 7th

Ginger: Garibaldi… That is so weird. That is the name of the California state fish. I wonder if the statue is named after the fish.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: camillo cavour

Man to wife: That's too much calamari, even for a homeless guy.

–East Village