Pretty girl #1: That's why I picked my roommate before college. I wanted to make sure she wasn't fat. I mean, what am I supposed to say? “You have to wear clothing at all times in the room cause I don't wanna puke?”
Pretty girl #2: Ew!
–Chinese-American Take Out, Ave C
Archive for the ‘Vomit’ Category
Can We See Ratatouille Again, Daddy?
Little girl: I am looking for the rat that we saw eating throw-up. It was… soooo…
Dad: Soooo awesome… I remember!
–Rector & Trinity
Who's Gonna Hold Wednesday's Hair While She One-Liners?
Self-tanned woman on BlackBerry, pushing stroller: I'm gonna puke because you're not here with me!
–American Eagle
Overheard by: liveyourlife
Cheerful woman on cell: Oh yeah, I been getting mad nauseous on this bus! But I ain't putting my face near that toilet back there, nuh-uh. I'd rather get sick all over myself.
–Chinatown Bus to DC
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy waiting for n train: I just want to fucking go home and puke in my own fucking toilet!
–Canal St & Broadway
Woman: I come out of the bathroom after three hours of him barfing, and people think we were having sex! You think I'm that hot at 46 to go shag my boy in the middle of a party? And even if I were, I would have been gone for, what? Like, ten minutes? Max!
–Time Warner Building
Girl to friends: I definitely think gay vomit would be the prettiest.
–Perry & Bleecker
Overheard by: other contenders?
Oh Look, That Guy's Taking a Dump!
Tourist mom to kid: There's some weird smells around here…
Suit: Nah, that's New York you're smelling. Dog piss, hobos piss, hobos barf… Ah, the glory of the Great White Way.
–Times Square
Overheard by: i love new york.
Wednesday One-Liners: So Lifelike!
Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would totally do it!
–Queens
Middle-aged Latino: I've got barbie dolls!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Newspaper vendor: Cause I have that multiple sneezing thing! I hate that crap! I'm like a bobble-head doll!
–96th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Galatea
Girl leaving nail salon: It looks like Malibu Barbie just threw up all over my feet.
–11th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Bill
Despondent little girl in coffee shop: Um, I don't play with the doll house that much because you said we're not supposed to play in the meditation room.
–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
Wednesday One-Liner: The Diet Of Choice for Teenage Girls
Dude to another: One of us threw up in Joanna's underwear drawer, so she was really pissed.
–181st & Bennett
Girl to another: Well, you don't want to throw up in front of the guy you just had sex with!
–7th b/w 2nd & 3rd
Girl in diner booth: I'm about to throw up in my pants.
–Henry & Court
Overheard by: Alex
Train conductor lady: I am not playin'. People need to get home. Get all the way in or get off. If you are vomiting, please exit the train. I will keep this train right here and kick off every damn one of you wearing green.
–Penn Station, St. Patrick's Day
Guy, vomiting on tree: Man, fuck that tang.
–Carlton Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Zoe
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Boys But Were Afraid to Ask
Guy #1: He wouldn't stop telling me to eat the cactus, so I just broke down and did it.
Guy #2: Wow, what about the needles?
Guy #1: I put it in a blender first, dumbass.
Guy #2: Oh. So what happened?
Guy #1: I drank like three quarters of it and I threw up. A lot. Like “mother of god.”
Guy #2: Sheesh, then what?
Guy #1: I passed out for about 9 hours.
Guy #2: Awesome.
Guy #1: Yeah.
–G Train
Actually, I Hear White Castle Is a Lot Better on the Way Out
Ghetto lady, about young, drunk yuppie throwing his guts up: Daaaamn, that shit's spicy.
Ghetto man to yuppie's girlfriend: You gonna tongue-kiss that nigga now?
–D Train
Overheard by: i bet it was thai
NewsFlash: New Yorker Has Car. Film at 11.
Bro #1: Hey man, you alright?
Bro #2: (vomits in corner)
Bro #1: You good to drive?
Bro #2, slurring: Yeah…
Bro #1: You got some shit on your chin! (makes wiping motion)
–East Village
Overheard by: arf
Wednesday One-Liners: Unfiltered.
Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette.
–Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th
Overheard by: Pleased
Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake!
–Peter McMannus Pub
LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Jenna K
NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough?
–Waverly & Mercer
Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers.
–172nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle