Archive for the ‘Vomit’ Category

Who's Gonna Hold Wednesday's Hair While She One-Liners?

Self-tanned woman on BlackBerry, pushing stroller: I'm gonna puke because you're not here with me!

–American Eagle

Overheard by: liveyourlife

Cheerful woman on cell: Oh yeah, I been getting mad nauseous on this bus! But I ain't putting my face near that toilet back there, nuh-uh. I'd rather get sick all over myself.

–Chinatown Bus to DC

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy waiting for n train: I just want to fucking go home and puke in my own fucking toilet!

–Canal St & Broadway

Woman: I come out of the bathroom after three hours of him barfing, and people think we were having sex! You think I'm that hot at 46 to go shag my boy in the middle of a party? And even if I were, I would have been gone for, what? Like, ten minutes? Max!

–Time Warner Building

Girl to friends: I definitely think gay vomit would be the prettiest.

–Perry & Bleecker

Overheard by: other contenders?

Wednesday One-Liner: The Diet Of Choice for Teenage Girls

Dude to another: One of us threw up in Joanna's underwear drawer, so she was really pissed.

–181st & Bennett

Girl to another: Well, you don't want to throw up in front of the guy you just had sex with!

–7th b/w 2nd & 3rd

Girl in diner booth: I'm about to throw up in my pants.

–Henry & Court

Overheard by: Alex

Train conductor lady: I am not playin'. People need to get home. Get all the way in or get off. If you are vomiting, please exit the train. I will keep this train right here and kick off every damn one of you wearing green.

–Penn Station, St. Patrick's Day

Guy, vomiting on tree: Man, fuck that tang.

–Carlton Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Zoe

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Boys But Were Afraid to Ask

Guy #1: He wouldn't stop telling me to eat the cactus, so I just broke down and did it.
Guy #2: Wow, what about the needles?
Guy #1: I put it in a blender first, dumbass.
Guy #2: Oh. So what happened?
Guy #1: I drank like three quarters of it and I threw up. A lot. Like “mother of god.”
Guy #2: Sheesh, then what?
Guy #1: I passed out for about 9 hours.
Guy #2: Awesome.
Guy #1: Yeah.

–G Train

Wednesday One-Liners: Unfiltered.

Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette.

–Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th

Overheard by: Pleased

Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake!

–Peter McMannus Pub

LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jenna K

NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough?

–Waverly & Mercer

Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers.

–172nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle