Archive for the ‘Waiters’ Category

Today’s Special: Passive Aggression

Waiter #1: Sit anywhere you’d like.
Guy: Thanks. Waiter #2 diverts him to a small table in an occupied section. Guy: So by “anywhere you’d like” you guys meant this exact table.
Waiter #2: Thank you. –Clark’s, Brooklyn Heights Overheard by: TG

Have a Happy Kwanzaakkah!

Waiter: Hey, wassup? I’m Sean. What’s your name?
Girl: Rebecca. Nice to meet you.
Waiter: And you, man?
Guy: Kwanzaa.
Waiter: Hey, by any change you are mixed with Jewish?
Guy: Er, no, everything but.
Waiter: Well…’cause, you know, I’m Jewish.
Guy: …Okay.
Waiter: Uh, ’cause you know, Kwanzaa’s a Jewish Holiday?
Girl: It is? Wow, I didn’t know that. –Diner 24, 8th Avenue Overheard by: enkie

This Urn of Scalding Decaf Says You Are Mistaken

Waiter: Excuse me, sir — can you finish up your coffee? We’re closing.
Customer: What do you mean? It’s only 10:30! You close at eleven.
Waiter: Well, we changed the hours, and we now close at 10:30.
Customer: Well, last time I checked, I am a customer and I am right about a lot of stuff, and I say you close at eleven. –Coffee shop, 20th & 1st Overheard by: PJ

In a Few Minutes They’ll Be Wrestling in a Warm Tub of Soup

Customer: Are any of your soups vegetarian?
Soup guy: Yes, the lentil and vegetable soups are.
Customer: I don’t trust you.
Soup guy: I make the soups.
Customer: Well, I just don’t trust you.
Soup guy, to next customer: Can I help you?
Customer: Hang on now, I still don’t trust you! –Pax, 40th & 6th Ave